A sad irony for me...

[wmheel1287]

I'm spending today writing the obituary of my great uncle's partner of 50 years. My great uncle died in 2011 and his partner Ronnie has always been an integral part of our family my whole life. My mom and Aunt have been his guardians for the last 10 years as Alzheimers slowly took him away. Ronnie is pretty much single-handedly responsible for Historic Oakwood still existing in Raleigh as he mobilized people to start the Candlelight Tour to save the homes in the early 70's when a proposed expressway would have demolished them all. He's truly beloved...like more than almost imaginable.

In Edgecombe County, it was always accepted (and even embraced later on) that Earl and Ronnie were a couple. The country church that we all attended would have literally fallen down without them, their donations, their time, their energy, etc. Pillars of that community in every way.

I say all that to share this with you. I sent the first draft of the obituary to my mom and Aunt. The services and burial are at the church I grew up in. It was and always has been Conetoe United Methodist Church. My Aunt sent me a correction back that "it's now just Conetoe Methodist Church. I don't know why they changed the name, but that's what it is". Of course, I know why the name changed. The name changed because the folks in that very same church apparently think it's more important to make a statement against loving gay couples than it is to simply remain "United".

Generally speaking, things regarding the gay community don't hit me so hard. I've become cynical enough to be thick-skinned about it. But I have to admit it was a gut punch in that moment. Sorry for the personal indulgence. Just something I felt I need to share somewhere.

 

[Zoo_View]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[ChileG]

I'm spending today writing the obituary of my great uncle's partner of 50 years. My great uncle died in 2011 and his partner Ronnie has always been an integral part of our family my whole life. My mom and Aunt have been his guardians for the last 10 years as Alzheimers slowly took him away. Ronnie is pretty much single-handedly responsible for Historic Oakwood still existing in Raleigh as he mobilized people to start the Candlelight Tour to save the homes in the early 70's when a proposed expressway would have demolished them all. He's truly beloved...like more than almost imaginable.

In Edgecombe County, it was always accepted (and even embraced later on) that Earl and Ronnie were a couple. The country church that we all attended would have literally fallen down without them, their donations, their time, their energy, etc. Pillars of that community in every way.

I say all that to share this with you. I sent the first draft of the obituary to my mom and Aunt. The services and burial are at the church I grew up in. It was and always has been Conetoe United Methodist Church. My Aunt sent me a correction back that "it's now just Conetoe Methodist Church. I don't know why they changed the name, but that's what it is". Of course, I know why the name changed. The name changed because the folks in that very same church apparently think it's more important to make a statement against loving gay couples than it is to simply remain "United".

Generally speaking, things regarding the gay community don't hit me so hard. I've become cynical enough to be thick-skinned about it. But I have to admit it was a gut punch in that moment. Sorry for the personal indulgence. Just something I felt I need to share somewhere.

I’m sorry for your loss. I started typing out a long post of a similar issue I had, but this isn’t about me.
Perhaps you will have a chance to say some words before the congregation?
If so, you can mention Ronnie and his partner and all the work they did for the church and leave it at that.
It would be enough to ruffle the feathers of those who need it.

 

[4thgenheel]

may both of your great uncles rest in peace.

the UMC schism sucks. we went through a similar thing in the Episcopal Church back in the late aughts when we consecrated our first openly gay bishop.

the bigots left and some entire churches switched to be under the umbrella of the ACNA, similar to your childhood church in Conetoe dropping from UMC.

i think i'm a little younger than you are and not as cynical or thick skinned about the hate (yet) and it is often deeply upsetting to me. i try not to take it personally and try to remember that their views are grounded in ignorance.

 

[UNCMSinLS]

My condolences, wmheel1287. I understand the gut punch and empathize with your pain. I wish there were something more we could do.

 

[CFordUNC]

Man, I don’t know know what to say, other than I’m so sorry for your loss and so sorry you are having to experience this. Really appreciate you sharing this- I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Hopefully you know that if there is anything that any of us in this community can do for you, you won’t hesitate to let us know.

 

[wmheel1287]

I’m sorry for your loss. I started typing out a long post of a similar issue I had, but this isn’t about me.
Perhaps you will have a chance to say some words before the congregation?
If so, you can mention Ronnie and his partner and all the work they did for the church and leave it at that.
It would be enough to ruffle the feathers of those who need it.

I'm quite sure I'll be giving the eulogy. The thing is that none of them would even recognize the disconnect. They all know and appreciate everything he and Earl did. I doubt anyone there has ever given any thought at all to how the dropping of affiliation might interconnect with Earl and Ronnie being such pillars. It just kind of is what it is.

By the way, thought I'd share this picture. Ronnie has always been the "King" of the Oakwood Mardi Gras parade. This is, I believe, from 2017 which was the last time he was in the parade.