Are elem school options bad for neighborhood friendships?

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gregh1

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Tl;dr:
It feels like kids from a particular neighborhood all wind up at different elementary schools (then probably different middle and HS). Does this hinder the ability for neighborhood buddies to form? I have a 4 yr old, so i'm not there yet, just speculating.


Long version:
Wake County, NC resident here - wake has an bazillion options of choice for a child's elementary school.
There are private schools - some religious, some just $, but some of the schools offer scholarships and financial aid.

Then Public schools come in three flavors - your local/base school based on your address, charters, and magnets. Oh, and some base schools are so busy that they're capped, meaning kids from the same street might wind up at two different schools. Some of each have a fantastic reputation, while some have poor reputations, so I don't blame parents for ditching their local/base school. Magnet Elementary then leads to those kids going to a bunch of different middle schools, so bye-bye middle school friends. Same with middle schoolers going to different high schools.

Among my friend groups, I know just a few that have stuck with their local/base school. And when their kids have play-dates it's a haul of a drive to get across town. And among my current neighbors with young pre-elementary kids, despite our base having a great rep they're all still head-scratching what Johnny & Jane might like more as a magnet focus, or that they're really attracted by XYZ charter which has a fantastic rep.

It feels to me like the days of kids (elementary thru HS) all being from the same neighborhood and all having friends from down the street and around the corner, all riding the same busses, are gone. Am I wrong? If so, to avoid this, do I need to move to a tiny town where there are fewer good options. Or a town in a state with nothing but fantastic option giving people no reason to ditch their local? Where is that?

And if i'm right, then is this part of the reason why it seems parents spend their lives shuttling their kids all over earth for "activities" - cuz they're actually replacements for social time?
 
PS i'm not even worried about the actual school education. I'm of the belief that my kid would probably wind up at the same point academically no matter where he winds up. I just think ideal scenarios community-wise are to have your (potential or probable) friends right in your neighborhood.
 
My kids went through or will have gone through the schools we are assigned. My girls didn't make neighborhood friends, but did make school friends. My son has both with a lot of overlap. We live in Mooresville and are in Iredell-Statesville Schools so are a lot smaller. There are countless charters and non-public options around us and many of the neighborhood kids attend those.

Where you are makes a lot of difference, we also just live in society with innumerable activities. My girls tumbled and cheer, my son plays football and basketball so those are where our focus lied. Overall I'd say their friend groups oriented around their activities particularly when they got to middle and high school.
 
I think it actually broadens a kid’s group of friends. You have friends from the neighborhood and friends from school who live outside the neighborhood. On top of that, there may be friends they meet through other activities.
 
My kids barely knew any of the kids in our neighborhood for this reason, which I think is unfortunate, but the trade off was well worth it.
 
My partner has a risng Kindergartener grandchild-lives 5 minutes from us
Lives 5 minutes from school Parents will likely send her to some freaking magnet school a half hour away
Yea we will be taking and or picking her up half the time.......... hell
 
Growing up I had friends from school that lived in other neighborhhods I had a couple from Church
But the VAST majority of time I messed around with Neighborhood kids and it was much easier on everyone Including the fact that neighborhood parents knew us-and could see if we "crossed the line"
 
gregh1 said:
What were the neighbor-friendships traded for?
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STEM-focused (public) magnet program. Not that there was anything wrong with the neighborhood schools, but they got a lot out of being in class with (and being friends with) students of similar abilities.
 
BlooVooDoo said:
STEM-focused (public) magnet program. Not that there was anything wrong with the neighborhood schools, but they got a lot out of being in class with (and being friends with) students of similar abilities.
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My grandsons go to a Magnet school in Fairfax county My "fear" is it will be sort of a homogenous group. My daughter tells me they like their "nerd" friends
 
I'll ask Drew. He teaches 5th grade at probably the most "prestigious" magnet elementary in Wake Co. It's in downtown Raleigh very close to NC State's campus. It truly is a fantastic school with a ton of positives. Keep in mind that the magnets do also have their own base so no school in Wake is 100% magnet populace even if the school runs a magnet curriculum.
 
wmheel1287 said:
I'll ask Drew. He teaches 5th grade at probably the most "prestigious" magnet elementary in Wake Co. It's in downtown Raleigh very close to NC State's campus. It truly is a fantastic school with a ton of positives. Keep in mind that the magnets do also have their own base so no school in Wake is 100% magnet populace even if the school runs a magnet curriculum.
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Curiosity questions:
  • How does the curriculum vary for the “regular” students from the STEM students?
  • Do the STEM students take “regular“ classes with the “regular” students? I’d call “regular classes” English, PE, Music (do they still teach PE and/or music?), History/Social Studies?
 
Zoo_View said:
Curiosity questions:
  • How does the curriculum vary for the “regular” students from the STEM students?
  • Do the STEM students take “regular“ classes with the “regular” students? I’d call “regular classes” English, PE, Music (do they still teach PE and/or music?), History/Social Studies?
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FYI, the magnets aren't necessarily STEM. And under STEM there are many different themes. There's a mandarin themed school (basically mandarin immersion k-12), there's various art themes, engineering, computer design, and there's even game theory.

Magnet Schools / Schools and Themes

www.wcpss.net www.wcpss.net
 
mpaer said:
My partner has a risng Kindergartener grandchild-lives 5 minutes from us
Lives 5 minutes from school Parents will likely send her to some freaking magnet school a half hour away
Yea we will be taking and or picking her up half the time.......... hell
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That's a whole different story. I'm not going to judge any parent for wanting and sacrificing for some special for their child, education or opportunity or other. But damned if I want to force my kid into a car more than necessary.
 
Icky Mettle said:
I think it actually broadens a kid’s group of friends. You have friends from the neighborhood and friends from school who live outside the neighborhood. On top of that, there may be friends they meet through other activities.
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Thanks for sharing this. Being gen X, I have this vision of kids all playing in the neighborhood after school and on the weekends, and parents knowing the other parents, rather than spending an hr+ being shuttled far away from home to a different activity or place every afternoon and weekend for social/other fulfilment. I need to accept that sometimes different isn't necessarily bad.
 
Wolfslayer said:
My kids went through or will have gone through the schools we are assigned. My girls didn't make neighborhood friends, but did make school friends. My son has both with a lot of overlap. We live in Mooresville and are in Iredell-Statesville Schools so are a lot smaller. There are countless charters and non-public options around us and many of the neighborhood kids attend those.

Where you are makes a lot of difference, we also just live in society with innumerable activities. My girls tumbled and cheer, my son plays football and basketball so those are where our focus lied. Overall I'd say their friend groups oriented around their activities particularly when they got to middle and high school.
Click to expand...
I thought Mooresville had its own district separate from Iredell Statesville?
 
gregh1 said:
Thanks for sharing this. Being gen X, I have this vision of kids all playing in the neighborhood after school and on the weekends, and parents knowing the other parents, rather than spending an hr+ being shuttled far away from home to a different activity or place every afternoon and weekend for social/other fulfilment. I need to accept that sometimes different isn't necessarily bad.
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Yeah, it does seems kids have a lot more activities these days. We try not to overdo it but at the same time we sometimes feel like we’re not doing enough for them on that regard.

My son plays basketball in the winter and soccer in the fall and spring. One practice per week and one or two games each weekend. He has friends who play club soccer and that involves at least three practices per week, one or two games on the weekend, and some traveling. He also has friends who play multiple sports in one season. That seems like a lot. But I guess some kids just love playing sports all the time.

My daughter takes piano lessons and does taekwondo. Both of those activities are two blocks from our house, which makes it easy.

Where I do feel bad is that when our kids aren’t doing after school activities, they are in an extended day program at their school, and we often don’t pick them up until 6:00. That keeps them from being able to be out and about in the neighborhood after school. But as two working parents, it’s what we have to do.
 
gregh1 said:
Thanks for sharing this. Being gen X, I have this vision of kids all playing in the neighborhood after school and on the weekends, and parents knowing the other parents, rather than spending an hr+ being shuttled far away from home to a different activity or place every afternoon and weekend for social/other fulfilment. I need to accept that sometimes different isn't necessarily bad.
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As a late-Boomer (born 1961), my perception of latter Gen X parents and their kids is NO ONE played outside. The neighborhood streets were EMPTY.
 
Icky Mettle said:
Where I do feel bad is that when our kids aren’t doing after school activities, they are in an extended day program at their school, and we often don’t pick them up until 6:00. That keeps them from being able to be out and about in the neighborhood after school. But as two working parents, it’s what we have to do.
Click to expand...
We'll be in that boat.
 
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