Pregnancy termination for medical reasons

[RaiGuy]

I need to vent.

So, my wife is pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy, we did a genetic test, not thinking much of it. However, we later got a dreaded call where our baby had a high chance of a genetic disorder. However, that test is only a screening test and we would have to wait until getting an amnio for confirmation. We do an early anatomy test and amnio at 16 weeks. We get the results from the FISH test the following day and it's showing the same thing. However, we had to wait 2 more weeks to get the actual confirmation from the karyotype, as FISH can, in rare occasions, be wrong. We got the confirmation and had to make one of the hardest decision that anyone can make. We have had countless sleepless nights since we got the original results. There are no good/easy decisions with this. Either end the pregnancy, or risk having a child with lifelong medical issues (but we have no clue which symptoms will present, and no one knows either). We met with countless specialists and genetic counselors. Long story short, we made the most difficult decision to end the pregnancy. However, because of stupid archaic NC laws, we have to drive to Richmond to get this procedure done. It's bad enough to have to go through it, but adding this extra element makes it more difficult. On top of that, archaic insurance laws don't cover the procedure and we will have to pay it out of pocket.

The people that are against abortions need to understand that situations like this, it's not about the parents not wanting the child. It pains us so much to have to do this, but it is the best choice knowing all the variables at play. It just sucks that there are damn laws that make this already difficult time much more difficult. I've never felt this much anxiety and stress in my life.

Sorry for the long rant, but I needed to get it out.

 

[CFordUNC]

Man, goodness gracious, I don’t have anything at all good or helpful to say other than that I am so, so sorry that you and your wife are enduring this and that I am sending y’all all of the best wishes, positive vibes, and prayers for comfort, safety, and peace. I hope that if there is anything at all that you need or anything that any of us here in this community can do for y’all, that you won’t hesitate to let us know.

 

[lawtig02]

I need to vent.

So, my wife is pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy, we did a genetic test, not thinking much of it. However, we later got a dreaded call where our baby had a high chance of a genetic disorder. However, that test is only a screening test and we would have to wait until getting an amnio for confirmation. We do an early anatomy test and amnio at 16 weeks. We get the results from the FISH test the following day and it's showing the same thing. However, we had to wait 2 more weeks to get the actual confirmation from the karyotype, as FISH can, in rare occasions, be wrong. We got the confirmation and had to make one of the hardest decision that anyone can make. We have had countless sleepless nights since we got the original results. There are no good/easy decisions with this. Either end the pregnancy, or risk having a child with lifelong medical issues (but we have no clue which symptoms will present, and no one knows either). We met with countless specialists and genetic counselors. Long story short, we made the most difficult decision to end the pregnancy. However, because of stupid archaic NC laws, we have to drive to Richmond to get this procedure done. It's bad enough to have to go through it, but adding this extra element makes it more difficult. On top of that, archaic insurance laws don't cover the procedure and we will have to pay it out of pocket.

The people that are against abortions need to understand that situations like this, it's not about the parents not wanting the child. It pains us so much to have to do this, but it is the best choice knowing all the variables at play. It just sucks that there are damn laws that make this already difficult time much more difficult. I've never felt this much anxiety and stress in my life.

Sorry for the long rant, but I needed to get it out.

This is brutal, Rai. A couple of thoughts --

1. You did the morally right thing, not just for you but for your child-to-be.
2. Even if you didn't, there's NOBOBY better able to make that decision than you and your wife.
3. This will not be comforting, but please know there are tens of millions of people who have had to make that decision before, and you are not alone.
4. If you can, find those people and connect with them, because they'll be able to support you better than anyone else.
5. Lean on each other, because there's nobody else who feels this the way you and your wife do, and the pain right now does not determine what the future might bring.

Peace to you, my friend.

 

[hedge]

Hang in there, Rai..

 

[EyeballKid]

Damn, Rai. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles—that’s rough. Hang in there.

 

[korgguy1971]

Damn @RaiGuy, not sure what to say other than I hope everything gets better for you both. Sending positive energy and good vibes y'all's way

 

[HeelYeah2012]

So sorry to hear this, Rai. I know this has to be an incredibly difficult time.

For the record, I totally agree with you that there shouldn’t be laws against doing what you’re doing. Hence why I am pro-choice and not pro-life, which differs from a lot of my party on that issue.

 

[rodoheel]

Sorry Rai, I know how gut-wrenching and heartbreaking the whole situation must have been (and still is), and I'm sorry the state's abortion laws made it an even more difficult situation to deal with. Whatever decision you and your wife made would have been an understandable decision, and anyone who tells you that there is a "right" decision and a "wrong" decision in that circumstance is not worth listening to.

 

[lawtig02]

So sorry to hear this, Rai. I know this has to be an incredibly difficult time.

For the record, I totally agree with you that there shouldn’t be laws against doing what you’re doing. Hence why I am pro-choice and not pro-life, which differs from a lot of my party on that issue.

You've been really consistent on that, HY, and I respect you for it.

 

[Huh?]

Bless you and your wife. You both are genuinely in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Batt Boy]

Sorry you are going through this and hope for future, God willing, blessings. Fundamentally, the choice should remain with the woman. No one else.

 

[SnoopRob]

Rai, I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to your family. I hope that you and your wife are able to get through the procedure and the coming days and weeks ok. I also hope you grieve well and are able to heal after this loss. I hate that our current laws are making this tougher. I really do hope that you and your wife come through this ok.

 

[UNCMSinLS]

I need to vent.

So, my wife is pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy, we did a genetic test, not thinking much of it. However, we later got a dreaded call where our baby had a high chance of a genetic disorder. However, that test is only a screening test and we would have to wait until getting an amnio for confirmation. We do an early anatomy test and amnio at 16 weeks. We get the results from the FISH test the following day and it's showing the same thing. However, we had to wait 2 more weeks to get the actual confirmation from the karyotype, as FISH can, in rare occasions, be wrong. We got the confirmation and had to make one of the hardest decision that anyone can make. We have had countless sleepless nights since we got the original results. There are no good/easy decisions with this. Either end the pregnancy, or risk having a child with lifelong medical issues (but we have no clue which symptoms will present, and no one knows either). We met with countless specialists and genetic counselors. Long story short, we made the most difficult decision to end the pregnancy. However, because of stupid archaic NC laws, we have to drive to Richmond to get this procedure done. It's bad enough to have to go through it, but adding this extra element makes it more difficult. On top of that, archaic insurance laws don't cover the procedure and we will have to pay it out of pocket.

The people that are against abortions need to understand that situations like this, it's not about the parents not wanting the child. It pains us so much to have to do this, but it is the best choice knowing all the variables at play. It just sucks that there are damn laws that make this already difficult time much more difficult. I've never felt this much anxiety and stress in my life.

Sorry for the long rant, but I needed to get it out.

I am sorry for you and your wife, Rai. Take comfort in the knowledge that there are those on this board who support the two of you. Let us know if we can help in any way, including, but not limited to, a GoFundMe or direct contribution/gift to defray the cost of the procedure. I'm good for $1k. I'm sure others would chip in as well.

Again, I'm sorry to hear this news. It breaks my heart.

 

[finesse]

Sorry to hear about this. What a terrible choice and so many ways to second guess yourselves and each other. Please remember that while this is a couple's tragedy, there is a lot of individual grief and what ifs. The two of you won't always be in the same place and some things can't be handled. Always be patient with each other.

I blew that one big in a major situation over 40 years ago and between that and the situation, our relationship never fully healed.

 

[dukeman92]

I’m sorry to hear this. You and your wife are in my thoughts

 

[Duke Mu]

So sorry to hear that. These decisions should be the domain of the parents and physician/medical team only...not the government.

My best wishes and thoughts with you and your wife.

 

[wmheel1287]

For whatever small comfort it is worth, we are all here for you if you need us. Just say the word.

 

[PTOHeel]

So sorry you and your wife are having to go through this. Sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[UNCatTech]

I need to vent.

So, my wife is pregnant. Early on in the pregnancy, we did a genetic test, not thinking much of it. However, we later got a dreaded call where our baby had a high chance of a genetic disorder. However, that test is only a screening test and we would have to wait until getting an amnio for confirmation. We do an early anatomy test and amnio at 16 weeks. We get the results from the FISH test the following day and it's showing the same thing. However, we had to wait 2 more weeks to get the actual confirmation from the karyotype, as FISH can, in rare occasions, be wrong. We got the confirmation and had to make one of the hardest decision that anyone can make. We have had countless sleepless nights since we got the original results. There are no good/easy decisions with this. Either end the pregnancy, or risk having a child with lifelong medical issues (but we have no clue which symptoms will present, and no one knows either). We met with countless specialists and genetic counselors. Long story short, we made the most difficult decision to end the pregnancy. However, because of stupid archaic NC laws, we have to drive to Richmond to get this procedure done. It's bad enough to have to go through it, but adding this extra element makes it more difficult. On top of that, archaic insurance laws don't cover the procedure and we will have to pay it out of pocket.

The people that are against abortions need to understand that situations like this, it's not about the parents not wanting the child. It pains us so much to have to do this, but it is the best choice knowing all the variables at play. It just sucks that there are damn laws that make this already difficult time much more difficult. I've never felt this much anxiety and stress in my life.

Sorry for the long rant, but I needed to get it out.

I have no words. Just want the best for your family and agree with everything you said about laws and insurance.

 

[nycfan]

So sorry to hear this and do understand from my own experiences and those of a friend how much having to go out of your way to get the treatment exacerbated the agony of this decision.

And anger would likely have been a part of coping with this anyway, but obviously the politically motivated ignorant restrictions that would-be parents who want a child face further inflame those natural feelings.

Keep trying and let the anger give way to the joy of a successful family building to come.