Went to my son's 8th grade graduation ceremony this morning

ChapelHillSooner

ChapelHillSooner

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I am just overcome with emotion. I would not have done it but my ex insisted that my son be involved. I am glad we did. They brought him in after the awards were done and he was the first to get a certificate but he sat nicely throughout the rest of the ceremony until the very end.

He got a big ovation which warms my heart. Yet, I can't help but look out over 300+ 8th graders and wonder why I won this 1/300 lottery that nobody would choose to win.

I'm just a mess of emotions right now. Happy. Sad. Jealousy. Just all bundled together.

I have long said that I haven't really cried since I was like 20 years old. Not even when my mom died of cancer. But here I am balling and proving to myself that I am not dead inside. (Edit: I forgot that the day my son got the Autism diagnosis I did cry.)

Anyway, thanks for listening. I don't know if you know it but you guys are my people.
 
Sooner, I don't have the words I wish I did to respond to your post.

I know life with your son is hard and I know that it is frustrating. I also know that you are a great dad to your son and that you don't let the difficulty of everyday life with him stop you from loving him.

While the feelings of sadness and jealousy are real and valid, I hope you can focus on the feelings of happiness and pride that you feel today.
 
ChapelHillSooner said:
I am just overcome with emotion. I would not have done it but my ex insisted that my son be involved. I am glad we did. They brought him in after the awards were done and he was the first to get a certificate but he sat nicely throughout the rest of the ceremony until the very end.

He got a big ovation which warms my heart. Yet, I can't help but look out over 300+ 8th graders and wonder why I won this 1/300 lottery that nobody would choose to win.

I'm just a mess of emotions right now. Happy. Sad. Jealousy. Just all bundled together.

I have long said that I haven't really cried since I was like 20 years old. Not even when my mom died of cancer. But here I am balling and proving to myself that I am not dead inside. (Edit: I forgot that the day my son got the Autism diagnosis I did cry.)

Anyway, thanks for listening. I don't know if you know it but you guys are my people.
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I love this so much, Sooner. A few thoughts --

1. You and your ex are heroes. Truly. I know it's incredibly hard and all those feelings are valid, but your son is a special addition to this universe and we're all lucky to have him as part of it. And we're especially lucky that you and your ex are doing the hardest of all the work. I know we have other posters here with kids on the spectrum, so I'll just say it here, thank you to all of you.

2. Lots of time to think about this but some colleges are starting to develop really amazing programs for special needs kids. I know your son is not Downs, but Clemson's LIFE program has always been close to my heart. I tear up every time I watch this Gameday feature from a few years ago --

3. If you think 8th grade is hard, just wait four years. Sad Will Ferrell GIF by First We Feast
 
lawtig02 said:
I love this so much, Sooner. A few thoughts --

1. You and your ex are heroes. Truly. I know it's incredibly hard and all those feelings are valid, but your son is a special addition to this universe and we're all lucky to have him as part of it. And we're especially lucky that you and your ex are doing the hardest of all the work. I know we have other posters here with kids on the spectrum, so I'll just say it here, thank you to all of you.

2. Lots of time to think about this but some colleges are starting to develop really amazing programs for special needs kids. I know your son is not Downs, but Clemson's LIFE program has always been close to my heart. I tear up every time I watch this Gameday feature from a few years ago --

3. If you think 8th grade is hard, just wait four years. Sad Will Ferrell GIF by First We Feast
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First, thank you very much.

I am aware of those programs. I know OU has one now and it is awesome they are doing that. I don't think it will be appropriate for my son unless some miracle happened in his development. But I am very grateful for those programs.
 
Thanks for sharing. It is hardly surprising that your complex emotions about this moment includes foreboding joy -- it is difficult not to have the countervailing negativity as a self-defense when you've gone through so much to get to this one moment of joy. You got to see a bit of your parental purpose realized in your child's moment of accomplishment, and that can be emotionally overwhelming in any scenario.

Try to immerse yourself in the joy and forgive yourself for the accompanying negative feelings. It is actually quite natural. Try not to let the countervailing feelings lead to catastrophizing, though -- reach back and embrace the joy while it is fresh, as the deepest reaches of joy can be fleeting. Try to imprint those deep feelings as emotional ballast for the future.

Congrats to you and your son (and your ex) for this achievement. It sounds like his inclusion was well-planned and his classmates recognized and embraced his accomplishment. No shame in taking an open moment to let yourself do the same.
 
ChapelHillSooner said:
I am just overcome with emotion. I would not have done it but my ex insisted that my son be involved. I am glad we did. They brought him in after the awards were done and he was the first to get a certificate but he sat nicely throughout the rest of the ceremony until the very end.

He got a big ovation which warms my heart. Yet, I can't help but look out over 300+ 8th graders and wonder why I won this 1/300 lottery that nobody would choose to win.

I'm just a mess of emotions right now. Happy. Sad. Jealousy. Just all bundled together.

I have long said that I haven't really cried since I was like 20 years old. Not even when my mom died of cancer. But here I am balling and proving to myself that I am not dead inside. (Edit: I forgot that the day my son got the Autism diagnosis I did cry.)

Anyway, thanks for listening. I don't know if you know it but you guys are my people.
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I'm pulling for you and your son. Let's hope middle school to 9th and beyond smoothen out and/or get more predictable.
 
Sooner,

Exceptionally happy for you, your son, and your ex.

As a father of two “normal” children, I know how difficult and emotional that is; fathering/mothering a special needs kid has to be 2X, 3X, or more challenging.

Kudos to your son, your ex, and you for reaching today.
 
I think it is hard to convey all the emotions that you feel as a parent of special needs child. Happy and proud, absolutely... but there are always recurring moments of grief and sadness. The "what could have been" thoughts even though you love this child with all your heart. And oh yes, jealousy for sure. It is not the lottery you wanted to win but it is the life that you got.

Completely understand the idea of holding your breath, not sure how your son was going to respond to the moment. He could sail right through or get overstimulated and have a bad experience... there's no way to predict. So glad it went well.

I'm also glad you posted and wanted to share with us. Virtual hugs.
 
lawtig02 said:
I love this so much, Sooner. A few thoughts --

1. You and your ex are heroes. Truly.
Click to expand...

When I was a grad student in Chapel Hill, I worked with a very large autistic 17 year old named Derek. He was relatively high functioning, but would just absolutely come unglued at his triggers, which happened a couple of times a day. He could scare people.

His parents loved us - his workers - because we gave them a couple hours a day to just be able to have their lives.

And what you said here, that those parents are heroes, I feel that down into my bones. These are some of the most loving, courageous, selfless people I have ever known. What they go through - out of love for their child - would make most of us just crumble into dust.

Absolute heroes. Giants of the human spirit.
 
TarSpiel said:
When I was a grad student in Chapel Hill, I worked with a very large autistic 17 year old named Derek. He was relatively high functioning, but would just absolutely come unglued at his triggers, which were many (and some very odd). He could scare people.

His parents loved us - his workers - because we gave them a couple hours a day to just be able to have their lives.

And what you said here, that those parents are heroes, I feel that down into my bones. These are some of the most loving, courageous, selfless people I have ever known. What they go through - out of love for their child - would make most of us just crumble into dust.

Absolute heroes. Giants of the human spirit.
Click to expand...
I have a good buddy that takes care of a 25 yr old kid with severe autism issues He is 75-that is his whole life-other than Gator sports He is a hero As is Soonner
 
Congrats to you and your amazing son Sooner! I am going to my son's 8th grade tomorrow. My 6th grade daughter will also be playing Pomp and Circumstance with the 6th and 7th grade Orchestra and also band. She has been practicing for it on her violin all week. I can't wait.
 
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