Fragility and Death

[UNCatTech]

This is something though that many of us stand to learn so much from you at 76, I'm assuming. You've seen so much more of the fragility of life.

I mean, how does it affect you?

When I was younger, it seemed so abstract. And I don't wish to be morbid, but you certainly see now it's near your door. It amazes me how so many others seem to just deal with it.

I've always been depressed, however, so perhaps those who are not can cope with it better than me. But I don't know your story.

I've dealt with depression my entire life and failed to learn any good coping mechanisms. My stuffing of emotions and basic avoidance seemed to work, but they have brought me to a point in life where things bother me and I struggle with the why. I don't know the root cause of so much of my hurt because as a young person I wasn't allowed to or expected to have emotions. I was to be seen and not heard. It makes one feel powerless. It also makes it a struggle to define the causes and to figure out how to move past some of life's trauma.

 

[UNCatTech]

I agree with you. My two worst fears:

1. Dying slowly, as you said. I'd much rather go instantly. And would probably preempt if capable. If you catch my drift.

2. Dying before my mom. I'm an only child, and she is too. She's 64 now. Who will look after her, should I be gone? It worries me.

Regarding the gift of life, it's our own deaths and those of everyone significant to us that gives our individual, little worlds meaning. I understand this fully. But it's still very hard. And I do not understand those who seem to confront this inevitability with acceptance or even alacrity. I resist! I guess I'm trying to understand this.

But perhaps I need to follow the Aurelius: we're already dead. As I said, I've lived life as if dormant and in slumber because, I guess, I thought I'd live forever.

My dad died about two months ago. It's been a very strange time since.

Thankfully I have the best wife in the world. I'm not strong enough to handle so many situations, one being helping my mother since my father has passed. My wife has stepped up and is helping her. My wife is truly the caregiver in our family. She takes care of everyone. So, I do what I am good at and work to ensure that the family is financially provided for and able to help other family members and our kids.

I'm alone this week as my wife is in NC helping my mother. I'm not good at being alone, but I know my mother needs the help.

 

[MendotoManteo]

I have to admit that when I first read this post I was lost and confused.

I don't believe simply stating that Marcus Aurelius tells us to think of ourselves as already dead, is enough context. I didn't respond when I first read this thread, but something kept bringing me back. So, I looked up Marcus Aurelius and read some of his philosophy.

Google's AI response to everything is pretty annoying, but in this case it was a good start: Here it is.

“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly” is a quote by Marcus Aurelius, a stoic philosopher.

Some say that viewing ourselves as already dead can be a powerful tool to improve our lives in the present. It can help us:

• Plan for the future
• Do things that are close to our hearts
• Treat our current life as a second chance
• Maximize every aspect of our life

Here are some other ideas about living life as if you're already dead:

• Live each day as if it were your last
• Don't be frantic, apathetic, or pretentious
• Remember that very little is needed to make a happy life

If you are having suicidal thoughts, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor.


So, I believe we are on the same path, though I didn't realize that at first.

I'm 56 and I, and my wife, have reached that point in life. When I was younger, I basically was along for the ride. I let life lead me where it would without much planning. Looking back I wish I hadn't. And I am so grateful that my children do not. But somewhere around 2000 that started to change. I had to start actually making decisions, but still they were mostly guided by what was best for my family. Now I've reached a point where I am trying to shift to living what is left of my life properly. This not only includes enjoying life and doing more activities such as traveling. It also includes contemplating and looking into leaving my job and finding work that is more fulfilling in an area that would help society more. Trying to get more involved in movements to help promote equal rights and such.

I'm sure it will be a slow transition, if I am able to accomplish it, because I am so risk adverse and have a great fear of failure. But those are things I have to work through.

Your statement about obsession with death is interesting for a 40 year old.

My thoughts of death are that I've worked so hard, I'd be really pissed off if I died and didn't get to really enjoy what is left of my life.

You're doing a great job. You're a good father.

 

[UNCatTech]

Some things to talk about:

1. Our definition of "fragile" needs addressing. What is "fragile?" The way I see it, many "masculine" and "MAGA" men are very fragile. They whine like little girls about practically everything. And I do not mean to use little girls as an insult. Because little girls know how to behave and react, responsibly.

2. Finality
Doesn't have to concern death. Just the finish of things.

What is the meaning of the end?

It seems to me the road is the point. But the road is meaningless without its end.

On the Jan 8th episode of the Daily show, they had Richard V. Reeves on talking about his book "Of Boys and Men".

I believe he makes a good point that men in this country, especially young men, need help and that we should be helping them. He also states that it isn't a zero-sum game and that we as intelligent humans can understand the plight of women and young men at the same time. I believe this might be a good thing for the democrat party to better understand as we seemed to get too caught up in "Toxic masculinity" and appeared to not understand or care about the situation that many men find themselves in.

 

[MendotoManteo]

My dad died about two months ago. It's been a very strange time since.

Thankfully I have the best wife in the world. I'm not strong enough to handle so many situations, one being helping my mother since my father has passed. My wife has stepped up and is helping her. My wife is truly the caregiver in our family. She takes care of everyone. So, I do what I am good at and work to ensure that the family is financially provided for and able to help other family members and our kids.

I'm alone this week as my wife is in NC helping my mother. I'm not good at being alone, but I know my mother needs the help.

Hey, brother, you hang in there. You're a good husband. A good man.

It sounds like you have a great wife. A good woman is hard to find. A good man, even harder, but that's of no concern of ours.

I feel you, brother. Regarding the death of your father. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine! My father is 70 now. Growing up, it seemed like he was invincible. But you and I know better now.

Yes, it's hard. I feel for you. Please be well.

If you can, put You've Got Mail on. Great film from the 90's. Just absolutely wonderful. And I'm going to fry the hell out out of some shrimp to it!

 

[05C40]

When my grandfather was in his late 70's, he saw me watching a segment of ABC's Wide Wolrd of Sports on surfing over at his house. (Aside: My father refused to have a TV in our house because he thought it would detract his children from their homework.) He was absolutely entranced. He said he wished he could be young again so he could learn how to surf. He offered to buy me a surf board. After his wife--a teetotaler--died, he started making wine. When he finished his thoughts on surfing, I gave him my best 13 year old look of, "Have you gotten into your wine again?"