Parenting

Icky Mettle said:
I’m by no means a bad parent, and in the grand scheme of things probably a very good parent, but I can’t help but think that I have failed as a parent in some respects. My kids are really good kids. They do well n school. They are loved by their teachers. They are kind to people. So they’ve turned out well thus far. But I feel like we didn’t spend enough time with them when they were really young.

My wife and I have demanding jobs. When they were younger, they had a nanny who was with them from 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM Monday through Friday (except for the hours they were in school). On weekdays back then, we spent about 1.5-2 hours with the kids and some of that was getting them ready for bed.

Our nanny was fantastic and still babysits for the kids, but she wasn’t a disciplinarian and was sort of like the doting grandmother who spoils the kids. I think our semi-absence in their early lives resulted in some bad habits that we have struggled to break.

And I feel like our work continues to get in the way of us being better parents. They are generally in an after school program until about 6:00 PM on days when they don’t have after school activities they need to get to. I feel like that deprives them of childhood joys of getting out of school and coming home at a normal time and either chilling or going out in the neighborhood and playing with other kids in the neighborhood. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of time I could have had with them, snd I can’t get it back. And as much as I have to work, my wife works all the time. She’s working right now as I type this, at 10:00 PM on a Saturday.

I realize this is something that most people deal with, but I still feel guilty.
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Was she... Mrs D.jpeg
 
SnoopRob said:
Ok, I gotta know...why did you install new carpet in an area inhabited by a middle schooler with ADHD?
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Lol well the upstairs carpet was where we didn't really spend much money when building. So it was 9 years old, builder quality crap. The backing had disintegrated, the padding was basically non-existent, and it was just in awful shape.
 
Icky Mettle said:
I’m by no means a bad parent, and in the grand scheme of things probably a very good parent, but I can’t help but think that I have failed as a parent in some respects. My kids are really good kids. They do well n school. They are loved by their teachers. They are kind to people. So they’ve turned out well thus far. But I feel like we didn’t spend enough time with them when they were really young.

My wife and I have demanding jobs. When they were younger, they had a nanny who was with them from 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM Monday through Friday (except for the hours they were in school). On weekdays back then, we spent about 1.5-2 hours with the kids and some of that was getting them ready for bed.

Our nanny was fantastic and still babysits for the kids, but she wasn’t a disciplinarian and was sort of like the doting grandmother who spoils the kids. I think our semi-absence in their early lives resulted in some bad habits that we have struggled to break.

And I feel like our work continues to get in the way of us being better parents. They are generally in an after school program until about 6:00 PM on days when they don’t have after school activities they need to get to. I feel like that deprives them of childhood joys of getting out of school and coming home at a normal time and either chilling or going out in the neighborhood and playing with other kids in the neighborhood. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of time I could have had with them, snd I can’t get it back. And as much as I have to work, my wife works all the time. She’s working right now as I type this, at 10:00 PM on a Saturday.

I realize this is something that most people deal with, but I still feel guilty.
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Kids have way too much going on these days compared to the 1900s
 
aGDevil2k said:
Lol well the upstairs carpet was where we didn't really spend much money when building. So it was 9 years old, builder quality crap. The backing had disintegrated, the padding was basically non-existent, and it was just in awful shape.
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Well, I guess that is understandable.

Kinda like giving a kid a new car for his 16th birthday and then worrying about dings, but understandable.
 
My wife and I have 2 boys, 12 and 9. So far, our biggest challenge is over technology use. Thankfully, our kids inherited their mother's smarts, so they both are straight A students.

Our oldest is on the cusp of puberty, so I know that the more difficult times are ahead.
 
bridgetender said:
My wife and I have 2 boys, 12 and 9. So far, our biggest challenge is over technology use. Thankfully, our kids inherited their mother's smarts, so they both are straight A students.

Our oldest is on the cusp of puberty, so I know that the more difficult times are ahead.
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Technology use is soooo huge. My kids are all bout 40-so we mostly avoided that
Grandkids-we shall see how bad it gets One is 12 already and he loves his bang bang games
 
I keep hearing that 5-12 are the pleasant yrs, everything else has potential to be "rocky". At 5 carrots and sticks can bend their will but those stop working at 13.
 
gregh1 said:
I keep hearing that 5-12 are the pleasant yrs, everything else has potential to be "rocky". At 5 carrots and sticks can bend their will but those stop working at 13.
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Everyone I've talked to said 11 begins the really bad and that was our case. It comes and goes. Like yesterday he was pleasant. But if he has work to do? Lol hell...
It does seem things hit earlier now than when we grew up

And amen on the tech. We limited everything.... Never was a kid to have a phone at a restaurant, never had a tablet (he just got a Kindle cause he reads at a college level already and we can't keep enough books). But the damn schools and their chrome books!!! That's the number one source of or tech problems for SURE. Paper assignments done no problem. But damn these Chromebooks
 
Icky Mettle said:
I’m by no means a bad parent, and in the grand scheme of things probably a very good parent, but I can’t help but think that I have failed as a parent in some respects. My kids are really good kids. They do well n school. They are loved by their teachers. They are kind to people. So they’ve turned out well thus far. But I feel like we didn’t spend enough time with them when they were really young.

My wife and I have demanding jobs. When they were younger, they had a nanny who was with them from 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM Monday through Friday (except for the hours they were in school). On weekdays back then, we spent about 1.5-2 hours with the kids and some of that was getting them ready for bed.

Our nanny was fantastic and still babysits for the kids, but she wasn’t a disciplinarian and was sort of like the doting grandmother who spoils the kids. I think our semi-absence in their early lives resulted in some bad habits that we have struggled to break.

And I feel like our work continues to get in the way of us being better parents. They are generally in an after school program until about 6:00 PM on days when they don’t have after school activities they need to get to. I feel like that deprives them of childhood joys of getting out of school and coming home at a normal time and either chilling or going out in the neighborhood and playing with other kids in the neighborhood. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of time I could have had with them, snd I can’t get it back. And as much as I have to work, my wife works all the time. She’s working right now as I type this, at 10:00 PM on a Saturday.

I realize this is something that most people deal with, but I still feel guilty.
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I feel like the only parents who don’t worry that they are bad parents are the bad parents.
 
aGDevil2k said:
Everyone I've talked to said 11 begins the really bad and that was our case. It comes and goes. Like yesterday he was pleasant. But if he has work to do? Lol hell...
It does seem things hit earlier now than when we grew up

And amen on the tech. We limited everything.... Never was a kid to have a phone at a restaurant, never had a tablet (he just got a Kindle cause he reads at a college level already and we can't keep enough books). But the damn schools and their chrome books!!! That's the number one source of or tech problems for SURE. Paper assignments done no problem. But damn these Chromebooks
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Holy shit, the kids bring the Chromebooks home? That's what Google just told me regarding wake county pub schools at least. WTF.
 
gregh1 said:
Holy shit, the kids bring the Chromebooks home? That's what Google just told me regarding wake county pub schools at least. WTF.
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I guess most of their "books" etc are on line
Write their papers etc
Some kids can't afford such-so every one gets one
Thats my guess
 
gregh1 said:
Holy shit, the kids bring the Chromebooks home? That's what Google just told me regarding wake county pub schools at least. WTF.
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That's what happens here. Covid funding was used to purchase them for every student and now access to said technology is written into every class.

I will say that it has been a boon to families who otherwise couldn't afford real computers and whose kids were falling behind due to it. It has allowed teachers to incorporate various software into teaching that otherwise couldn't be done due to uneven access.

In my location, they're buttoned up very, very tight and students can't add additional software and a lot of websites are blocked on them.
 
SnoopRob said:
That's what happens here. Covid funding was used to purchase them for every student and now access to said technology is written into every class.

I will say that it has been a boon to families who otherwise couldn't afford real computers and whose kids were falling behind due to it. It has allowed teachers to incorporate various software into teaching that otherwise couldn't be done due to uneven access.

In my location, they're buttoned up very, very tight and students can't add additional software and a lot of websites are blocked on them.
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Now that we're back in-person I wonder how necessary they are versus paper-based instructions, especially for younger kids. Younger kids are already being pushed a bit too hard (or pushed in unhelpful ways) - reference: Off-Topic - Mental health crisis in US schools, what are other countries doing?
 
gregh1 said:
Holy shit, the kids bring the Chromebooks home? That's what Google just told me regarding wake county pub schools at least. WTF.
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Yep. And the schools do a shit job of blocking sites so they can get on all of these game sites.

And unless you're sitting there watching your kid non stop on them you have to trust them.... Which you already know is pointless

And yeah I would guess 80% of their school work is on the computer now
 
SnoopRob said:
That's what happens here. Covid funding was used to purchase them for every student and now access to said technology is written into every class.

I will say that it has been a boon to families who otherwise couldn't afford real computers and whose kids were falling behind due to it. It has allowed teachers to incorporate various software into teaching that otherwise couldn't be done due to uneven access.

In my location, they're buttoned up very, very tight and students can't add additional software and a lot of websites are blocked on them.
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They try but history shows "unblocked _____" (fill in name of game) and they ALL do it
 
aGDevil2k said:
They try but history shows "unblocked _____" (fill in name of game) and they ALL do it
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I'll take your word for it.

My youngest kid is a HSer and has 3 other devices. She's not doing anything except schoolwork on her Chromebook because she has access to other things via personal devices.
 
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