Question for parents that have sent their kids to college

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gtyellowjacket

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We have our oldest going through the college selection process. Trying to get a good idea about the best way for her to be able to choose a school.

College visits seem pretty superficial to me but maybe I'm wrong. Magazine rankings at least seem objective, but there's a pretty big skew in the rankings. When I was doing it, I went to a couple of overnight camps at universities and ended up picking the place that I had the best time at. Any tips?
 
The only one of my three who didn't know where they wanted to go was my oldest. He was torn between Chicago (should never have given him the Feynman book) and UNC. We had friends there so he'd have some support. He made a campus visit and liked it. After we talked, he decided not being able to come home and travel expenses and scheduling when he did made UNC the right place. He wanted to be a chem major and the programs weren't that far apart.
 
We're not there yet, but based on recent discussions with colleagues who are, their experiences would suggest that you're underrating the importance of visiting places in person. That generally seemed helpful, and important, to their kids
 
It would help to know a little about your child, but, I’d start with:
1. Schools good for the major your child has chosen, apply to the best ones they have a realistic shot of getting into plus some safety schools
2. Environment - city or college town? Sports important? Size of school?
3. Cost
 
I'd highly recommend talking to friends who have kids in college and seek out a college counselor. They can help you navigate choices and tell you the range of schools your child should target. Can also help your child determine what is important in a school as well as help to review and provide feedback on essays etc. Most time kids that age will take feedback more constructively from an outsider than they would from a parent. Also gives them someone else to be accountable to when it comes to deadlines other than mom and dad.
 
We visited campuses. Several rolled out the red carpet. Many didn't. My kids never chose the school I would have. Ultimately, it's their first really big decision of their lives. Since money/tuition was never an impediment, I pretty much left the decision to them. You can get a good or bad education anywhere depending on the effort you put out. Might as well like where you are instead of resenting "your parents' choice".
 
gtyellowjacket said:
We have our oldest going through the college selection process. Trying to get a good idea about the best way for her to be able to choose a school.

College visits seem pretty superficial to me but maybe I'm wrong. Magazine rankings at least seem objective, but there's a pretty big skew in the rankings. When I was doing it, I went to a couple of overnight camps at universities and ended up picking the place that I had the best time at. Any tips?
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One of my fondess memories is going to NYC and then taking AmTrak to various NE Universities-sometimes overnight-with my middle child
 
I have heard UNC has one of the worst college tours.
I think it is because they don’t have the need to try to recruit people to go there.
 
ChileG said:
I have heard UNC has one of the worst college tours.
I think it is because they don’t have the need to try to recruit people to go there.
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This was certainly the experience our kids had. Both kids agreed Elon gave a great tour and while we didn't even consider it HPU gives an even better one from what I hear.
 
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Our son was going through an emotionally very difficult period when he applied to school and it was really difficult period. He got in everywhere he applied but wouldn’t apply to Davidson or Duke (fear of rejection, I think) even though he had a shot at getting in. It ultimately came down to UNC or App State (in the Honors College) and he chose where he wanted to go all along — App. We pressed him very hard to go to UNC but always promised it would be his decision.

He is a sophomore at App now and doing so much better than we ever hoped. He is maturing before our eyes and seems to be putting the emotional tumult of his junior and senior year of HS behind him to the point he is finally able to talk about how hard that period was for him.

Sometimes, you have to provide the guardrails but then trust your kid to make a big decision. There are no guarantees in life, and hopefully our son continues his upward trajectory, but after being really down about his decision right up u til we dropped him off to start his freshman year, now I am glad almost every day that we let him make this decision to be happy rather than pushing him into a situation at UNC where I think he may have been overwhelmed by anxiety and a sense of us forcing him to be somewhere he is not comfortable.
 
The best school you can get into with the cheapest overall cost. If your kid knows what they want to do for the rest of their life that helps guide engineering versus computer science as an example but the degree does matter where it is from. It doesn't necessarily open doors but a high point can definitely close doors after you have spent a fortune on the amenities.

Grad school is the more important choice in terms of career impact as long as your undergrad is a good school and you do well there. Picking a college for social reasons is a trap that leads to squandered opportunity IMO.
 
nycfan said:
Our son was going through an emotionally very difficult period when he applied to school and it was really difficult period. He got in everywhere he applied but wouldn’t apply to Davidson or Duke (fear of rejection, I think) even though he had a shot at getting in. It ultimately came down to UNC or App State (in the Honors College) and he chose where he wanted to go all along — App. We pressed him very hard to go to UNC but always promised it would be his decision.

He is a sophomore at App now and doing so much better than we ever hoped. He is maturing before our eyes and seems to be putting the emotional tumult of his junior and senior year of HS behind him to the point he is finally able to talk about how hard that period was for him.

Sometimes, you have to provide the guardrails but then trust your kid to make a big decision. There are no guarantees in life, and hopefully our son continues his upward trajectory, but after being really down about his decision right up u til we dropped him off to start his freshman year, now I am glad almost every day that we let him make this decision to be happy rather than pushing him into a situation at UNC where I think he may have been overwhelmed by anxiety and a sense of us forcing him to be somewhere he is not comfortable.
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This is nice to hear.
 
My oldest graduated this year. My youngest is a JR.
Between them, we visited 30+ colleges. We started when the oldest was in 9th grade. Not every visit was planned as a college visit. Whenever we traveled we would consider colleges within an hour or so of where we were and hit any that were of interest. We did do a dedicated trip to California and one to New England but otherwise they were just piecemeal here and there.
I strongly recommend visiting at least a few but the volume we did isn’t necessary for most folks (our circumstances were a bit unusual) and they don’t all need to be the comprehensive tour/info session. Those can get pretty tedious.
 
My oldest graduated from VCU in May, and he knew as soon as he visited. Also visited ODU & JMU and he just has the personality that he preferred an urban/city campus over a traditional campus.

My youngest is a junior at VCU and same reason. We lived on the MS coast when he did his visits to LSU, Tulane & Alabama, but he had been to VCU like a dozen times to see his brother, and liked the urban vibe. Nice having them in the same place, but I was kind of hoping for Tulane for my younger son because I like NOLA.
 
nycfan said:
Our son was going through an emotionally very difficult period when he applied to school and it was really difficult period. He got in everywhere he applied but wouldn’t apply to Davidson or Duke (fear of rejection, I think) even though he had a shot at getting in. It ultimately came down to UNC or App State (in the Honors College) and he chose where he wanted to go all along — App. We pressed him very hard to go to UNC but always promised it would be his decision.

He is a sophomore at App now and doing so much better than we ever hoped. He is maturing before our eyes and seems to be putting the emotional tumult of his junior and senior year of HS behind him to the point he is finally able to talk about how hard that period was for him.

Sometimes, you have to provide the guardrails but then trust your kid to make a big decision. There are no guarantees in life, and hopefully our son continues his upward trajectory, but after being really down about his decision right up u til we dropped him off to start his freshman year, now I am glad almost every day that we let him make this decision to be happy rather than pushing him into a situation at UNC where I think he may have been overwhelmed by anxiety and a sense of us forcing him to be somewhere he is not comfortable.
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Daughter #2 applied to App State. It wasn't on my radar at all ... until Daughter #1's friend gave us an enthusiastic personal tour of the campus. I loved it (though I did slip and fall on some ice near the football stadium). I loved Virginia Tech and Murray State too. I wasn't able to make the trip to Knoxville for UT. Daughter #2 ultimately chose Clemson and loved it. I think she wanted to be a bit nearer to us just in case.
 
I think visits are very important. When I was making my decision, I was initially looking heavily into a small liberal arts school that sent me awesome magazines and brochures in the mail. The campus looked beautiful, and it was. Went to visit and immediately knew I couldn't see myself there. I think it is important for a young person to get a feel for where they want to spend the next for years.
 
336Heel said:
This was certainly the experience our kids had. Both kids agreed Elon gave a great tour and while we didn't even consider it HPU gives an even better one from what I hear.
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I toured HPU and what impressed me was the fact that your name was on a reserved spot in the parking lot at the visitor's center when you pulled up. Small detail but it was cool at the time. That, and they had OAR performing for the students back when OAR was still big.
 
RockyMtnHoo said:
My oldest graduated from VCU in May, and he knew as soon as he visited. Also visited ODU & JMU and he just has the personality that he preferred an urban/city campus over a traditional campus.

My youngest is a junior at VCU and same reason. We lived on the MS coast when he did his visits to LSU, Tulane & Alabama, but he had been to VCU like a dozen times to see his brother, and liked the urban vibe. Nice having them in the same place, but I was kind of hoping for Tulane for my younger son because I like NOLA.
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My nephew went to VCU and liked being in Richmond.

None of my children went to the same school. I've often thought if I knew multiple kids would be going to the same place, I'd buy a house or condo near campus. Once everyone graduated, I'd sell the property for a profit.
 
2ManyBlueCups said:
I think visits are very important. When I was making my decision, I was initially looking heavily into a small liberal arts school that sent me awesome magazines and brochures in the mail. The campus looked beautiful, and it was. Went to visit and immediately knew I couldn't see myself there. I think it is important for a young person to get a feel for where they want to spend the next for years.
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Agree ... BUT ... I went to Washington & Lee when it was all-male. The line I got on the tour was "A Washington & Lee gentleman NEVER has trouble finding dates". Guess I should have been more of a cad or a rake instead of a gentleman. It was pretty much a social dead zone for four years. I passed on UVA and William & Mary for THIS?

Oh well, I did make a couple of 40+ year friends there and I did get to do plenty of extracurriculars that I might have had to choose from at a bigger school. Plus, the experience made me appreciate my graduate school time in Chapel Hill all the more.
 
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