Should I Stay or Should I Go Now...

I would go to the CEO and explain everything like you've explained here and make it known that the situation has become untenable. Some people have no business being in positions of power.
 
duluoz said:
You should ask NYCBlueblood. He’s got the best career advice and should be along shortly.

Incidentally he can also help you find a good divorce lawyer, should you need one at any point, or at several points.
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I'm currently in the market for my future next ex-wife... I'll be sure to hit him up.
 
NYCBlueBlood said:
I have no intention of confronting her. In order to call her out for undermining me with my team, I'll have to be open that my team is telling me everything she says about me... and she is the type to retaliate against my team and punish them for telling me things. She is big on loyalty tests. She likes telling people things she shouldn't, then watching to see what they do with it.
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Is your boss also blocking the Strait of Hormuz?
 
NYCBlueBlood said:
I've been waiting her out for a while. Unfortunately she gets more comfortable in her own job every year, and more willing to take chances at pushing me out. My guess is that she wants me to leave on my own so she can promote up my #2... then she can have complete control over my function.
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It's certainly a world I know nothing about. Wish you the best whatever you choose.
 
NYCBlueBlood said:
Yes, I can get a good bump up if I leave. But I've spent 10 years building the current team I manage, and they are VERY good. If I leave I will have to start over. Truth be told, my 2 leads below me now do about 50% of what I had to do myself when I first started. They have grown A LOT since I first took this role.
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Maybe you can bring them with you at some point.
 
mpaer said:
Not helpful to your OP-But I do wonder what the CEO etc see in this person?
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My previous boss left. I got along great with her. This woman was my peer. She was elevated on an interim basis while they hired somebody from the outside. That took 6 months, and the person hired was a complete disaster. My CEO fired that person after 3 months, and elevated my current boss back to interim. After a year, he admitted to me he'd given up looking for a new replacement, as he couldn't afford another disaster like the last one. He said he needed me to make it work with her.
 
NYCBlueBlood said:
My previous boss left. I got along great with her. This woman was my peer. She was elevated on an interim basis while they hired somebody from the outside. That took 6 months, and the person hired was a complete disaster. My CEO fired that person after 3 months, and elevated my current boss back to interim. After a year, he admitted to me he'd given up looking for a new replacement, as he couldn't afford another disaster like the last one. He said he needed me to make it work with her.
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I tell my children and my students to follow a simple rule in their interactions with others, don't be an asshole. Why that can be so challenging for some people perplexes me.
 
I also suspect my boss does not believe me when I say I don't want her job. She has 2 other women she's making fight it out in a steal cage match to the death for who she will name as he successor. I think she hopes I'll leave before she does, so I won't be competition. I feel a bit bad for those two people competing. She's leading them to believe she will have the right to name her successor... I don't think she will have any say in the decision.
 
It was eerie reading your original post. I was in a very similar situation; last two years had to report someone to a lady who was new to the field, but had a strong power base in the company. CEO had told me he valued me and that if the strained relationship turned sur he'd find another spot.

Two years later, company had to do some restructuring. Thought my relationship with the CEO and some huge savings I had delivered had me in a safe spot...boy was I wrong. My immediate boss took the opportunity to stick a knife in my back. CEO said his hand were tied because of the restructuring. Loved my job and my team...robbed me of some prime earning years just as my kids got to college.

Had several learnings from the experience. Outshining your boss turns you into a threat. Also, I had access to the CEO disappear, which allowed her to control the dialogue.
 
How firm are any leads you have on where you would go if you left your current company in the next few weeks? I.e. how confident are you that if you left, you'd have a job you were fairly happy with in short order?

Assuming you think you can find something new fairly quickly - and also without any knowledge about contractual provisions/limitations that may limit your ability to leave and/or work elsewhere - I think there is a fairly straightforward answer to this: go to your CEO and/or CFO and say "Look, I like working for you; I like this company and I would love to continue working for it. But [boss] is making my time here miserable. She is dishonest; she lies about me to my team members and undermines my relationship with them; and it is impossible for me to have a good working relationship with her moving forward, which is bad for the company. [Give as much detail about that as you believe is appropriate.] Either you need to fire or reassign her, or I will be resigning my position and leaving the company. I am happy to make my resignation effective in [60/90] days to give you plenty of time to find my replacement, because I still care about this company and want it to be successful. My preference is to stay with the company. But it is simply no longer possible for me to continue working with her."
 
Wolfslayer said:
I tell my children and my students to follow a simple rule in their interactions with others, don't be an asshole. Why that can be so challenging for some people perplexes me.
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I think she feels I undermine her authority. I'm very respectful and I always warn her of things she does not see coming, but she expects me to publicly bow and kiss the ring... her style of management is to make everybody know that any advancement/ money is 100% at her discretion, and that if you want it you need to publicly prove your loyalty to her. Having me sit outside that does not sit well with her.
 
Wolfslayer said:
Was going to ask the same thing. How assholes like that get those positions in the first place?
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I'm no longer surprised at the amount of assholes in upper management at big companies. I'm guessing the defense is that they get shit done, one way or the there. I was lucky in my career to never have to work for an asshole, but my wife had to endure her fair share. It was some tough sledding.
 
CRHeel94 said:
It was eerie reading your original post. I was in a very similar situation; last two years had to report someone to a lady who was new to the field, but had a strong power base in the company. CEO had told me he valued me and that if the strained relationship turned sur he'd find another spot.

Two years later, company had to do some restructuring. Thought my relationship with the CEO and some huge savings I had delivered had me in a safe spot...boy was I wrong. My immediate boss took the opportunity to stick a knife in my back. CEO said his hand were tied because of the restructuring. Loved my job and my team...robbed me of some prime earning years just as my kids got to college.

Had several learnings from the experience. Outshining your boss turns you into a threat. Also, I had access to the CEO disappear, which allowed her to control the dialogue.
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Sorry that happened to you. CEOs have a million things weighing down on their heads. When you are useful to them, they have your back. But they have to be ruthless to do their job... it's why such a high percentage of CEOs (and politicians) are sociopaths... or that's my unverified POV. I don't think my current CEO is a sociopath. He's a good guy as CEOs go. But he does not have time to waste dealing with my issues.
 
rodoheel said:
How firm are any leads you have on where you would go if you left your current company in the next few weeks? I.e. how confident are you that if you left, you'd have a job you were fairly happy with in short order?

Assuming you think you can find something new fairly quickly - and also without any knowledge about contractual provisions/limitations that may limit your ability to leave and/or work elsewhere - I think there is a fairly straightforward answer to this: go to your CEO and/or CFO and say "Look, I like working for you; I like this company and I would love to continue working for it. But [boss] is making my time here miserable. She is dishonest; she lies about me to my team members and undermines my relationship with them; and it is impossible for me to have a good working relationship with her moving forward, which is bad for the company. [Give as much detail about that as you believe is appropriate.] Either you need to fire or reassign her, or I will be resigning my position and leaving the company. I am happy to make my resignation effective in [60/90] days to give you plenty of time to find my replacement, because I still care about this company and want it to be successful. My preference is to stay with the company. But it is simply no longer possible for me to continue working with her."
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I do not have anything that currently looks promising. I looked into a few opportunities, but was not impressed with any of them. It will take months for me to find a new job, especially if I'm careful to make a good decision. I definitely will not leave this one until I have something lined up. I do not want the pressure of not having a job push me to accept something I should not.

I'm at an age now where I'll still have good options. But in the corporate world, age is held against you once you get past a certain age... and I'm getting close. If I change jobs and end up in a worse situation, I could easily find myself on the wrong side of the age divide and months could turn to years in the job hunt.
 
CRHeel94 said:
I'm no longer surprised at the amount of assholes in upper management at big companies. I'm guessing the defense is that they get shit done, one way or the there. I was lucky in my career to never have to work for an asshole, but my wife had to endure her fair share. It was some tough sledding.
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Corporate executives master the art of managing up... you can get away with a lot of terrible stuff as long as it is only downward within your own team... so long as you jump at every whim of the people above you.
 
NYCBlueBlood said:
Yes, I can get a good bump up if I leave. But I've spent 10 years building the current team I manage, and they are VERY good. If I leave I will have to start over. Truth be told, my 2 leads below me now do about 50% of what I had to do myself when I first started. They have grown A LOT since I first took this role.
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The older I get, the more I have realized that it is the people who work under you, not the people above you, that matter. Unless you can pull them with you to one of the competitors, or do what my dad did when he faced a similar situation - and just start a new office - I'd stick with them.
 
sringwal said:
The older I get, the more I have realized that it is the people who work under you, not the people above you, that matter. Unless you can pull them with you to one of the competitors, or do what my dad did when he faced a similar situation - and just start a new office - I'd stick with them.
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It would be hard to take them with me. Both from the perspective of legal issues with my current company... but even if I set that aside, it's unlikely any company would have openings for all 3 of our roles. If they do, it means their current situation is an absolute dumpster fire and they are getting rid of the entire global leadership structure for my function and starting over. Which I can certainly do with the two of them, but likely situations like that do not happen in isolation... it would very likely mean there are much bigger issues with the overall company.
 
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