The importance of being "not wrong"

superrific said:
Why are you attacking me? Fine, you don't like the idea expressed. Is that a reason to be as dismissive and insulting as possible? It's not simply that you're addressing what I wrote (in fact, you're not, not at all). You're addressing me. And for what? Sharing thoughts?

It happens a lot when I start threads, people show up to attack me gratuitously. I guess there's no reason to share ideas if this is what is going to happen.
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Maybe I'm wrong... but I don't feel like his OP was meant as an attack on you, Super. I think you take some of this stuff too personal.
 
I think I mostly use it and see it used in two ways...

1) Online, as a slightly amusing way to say that someone is right, maybe even with the goal of emphasizing how "not wrong" they are.

2) In real life, it's more the start of a sentence that expands on or gently corrects someone's take on a question or situation. For instance, let's say a customer complains about the service they received and an employee chalks it up to the customer being a grumpy old man. If the employee is correct that the customer is a grumpy old man who likes to complain but the customer also had a valid complaint, one might respond, "You're not wrong, but Mr. Jones was right that he should have gotten the large coffee he ordered instead of a small." It's a way of validating what the person said when they're sorta/kinda correct, but also then transitioning to addressing a larger or "more correct" part of the situation.

(The clip from The Big Lebowski is along the line of the second way it's used.)
 
one of my favorite tee-shirts says " I may not always be right but I'm never wrong"

another favorite tee-shirt says " I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining to you why I'm right"

My daughters tell me those two shirts succinctly capture my persona. My initial impulse was to deny this characterization, but then after thoughtful consideration , I told them , "just like me, you are right and are not wrong"
 
heelinhell said:
one of my favorite tee-shirts says " I may not always be right but I'm never wrong"

another favorite tee-shirt says " I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining to you why I'm right"

My daughters tell me those two shirts succinctly capture my persona. My initial impulse was to deny this characterization, but then after thoughtful consideration , I told them , "just like me, you are right and are not wrong"
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And this is why I didn’t have kids….
 
I’ve always disliked “not a problem”.
I first started noticing it in restaurants when the waitperson - when I’m thanking them for refilling my water glass - tell me “not a problem” instead of “you’re welcome” or some other suitable response.
I started thinking, wait, you mean I’m a problem for you otherwise?
Or asking for more water was potentially problematic for you?

Or, “excuse me, I was wondering if I may see the dessert menu?”
Waiter: “not a problem”. Instead of saying: “yes, of course, may I tell you about our special dessert tonight?” Or some other type of positive response.

The “you’re not wrong” and the “not a problem” responses just seem to have negative connotations to them.
 
Centerpiece said:
The “you’re not wrong” and the “not a problem” responses just seem to have negative connotations to them.
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I'm with you on not a problem. I agree with farce that it's a variant on "no worries" but "no worries" strikes me as considerably better. It doesn't focus on a person, a person's acts or a person's needs -- it refers to worries and dispels them.

These days I hear "no worries" 10x as often as not a problem. I don't know if that's representative of a trend or just my friends and family.
 
superrific said:
I'm with you on not a problem. I agree with farce that it's a variant on "no worries" but "no worries" strikes me as considerably better. It doesn't focus on a person, a person's acts or a person's needs -- it refers to worries and dispels them.

These days I hear "no worries" 10x as often as not a problem. I don't know if that's representative of a trend or just my friends and family.
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I trained with a lawyer from Perth very early in my career and definitely picked up “no worries” from him.
 
Centerpiece said:
I’ve always disliked “not a problem”.
I first started noticing it in restaurants when the waitperson - when I’m thanking them for refilling my water glass - tell me “not a problem” instead of “you’re welcome” or some other suitable response.
I started thinking, wait, you mean I’m a problem for you otherwise?
Or asking for more water was potentially problematic for you?

Or, “excuse me, I was wondering if I may see the dessert menu?”
Waiter: “not a problem”. Instead of saying: “yes, of course, may I tell you about our special dessert tonight?” Or some other type of positive response.

The “you’re not wrong” and the “not a problem” responses just seem to have negative connotations to them.
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I once saw an explanation of the rise of "not a problem" that made sense to me.

Apparently "not a problem" was brought into the mainstream by late Gen X'ers and early Millennials. For folks from that era, there is a very much a generational focus on not doing things that put others out by your requests, so saying "not a problem" is a way of reassuring that what the person has asked of you isn't a significant inconvenience.
 
farce© said:
It’s just the US version of the Aussie “No worries, mate.”
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Yes indeed, that's exactly what it is. And I recall when I was in Sidney and Adelaide back in 1987 when I heard that phrase all of the time... I was thinking - the same thing I think now about phrases like that. Comments that tend to have a negative connotation underlying, but which are basically harmless. "No worries mate". You mean to say you may find yourself "worrying" in similar situations, just not at this time?" But I get it. It's just a different way of meaning: "you're welcome friend". "you didn't put me out of my way, I was going to do this even if it didn't involve you in particular..."

Another one I learned from my U.K. friends during that same period time in London "That's down to you mate". Instead of saying: "That's up to you." The Brits would turn it around to switch up the entire meaning of the phrase. As in: you're beneath me in your station in life. I'm better than you, I'm above you... if it's not "up" to me... then it must be "down" to you. Try that sometime with your friends and colleagues. The next time the appropriate response should be: "Well, that's up to you"... try instead saying: "Well, that's down do you, isn't it?"

You see? It's taking a common, everyday phrase or comment and turning it on it's head, implying a negative. It's no big deal really, but it all speaks to Super's OP. "NOT a problem"; "NO worries"; "you're NOT wrong". All of those phrases imply a negative, if not an implicit NO, NOT, NEGATIVE.
 
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