Therapy who’s in it and who’s not?
- Thread starter SmilingJack
- Start date
- Replies: 43
- Views: 556
- Off-Topic
- Messages
- 4,242
I have been going since Trump's first term when my relationship with my parents severely broke apart over him. I am not saying he was the cause of all the problems, but it was the straw that broke the backs of things.
it has remained useful as they have gone further down the rabbit hole into conspiracy.
it has remained useful as they have gone further down the rabbit hole into conspiracy.
Oddball
Exceptional Member
- Messages
- 175
Yep, started about a month ago bc I have a kid with pretty severe mental health issues.
Need to learn to better cope with that, be a better parent with that in mind, as well as a better husband bc my wife takes the brunt of it. And also the whole depressed state that comes with dealing with that and aging, so figured I needed it.
Pretty fresh in the process, so can't really say it is "working" yet but I am gonna give it my best shot
Need to learn to better cope with that, be a better parent with that in mind, as well as a better husband bc my wife takes the brunt of it. And also the whole depressed state that comes with dealing with that and aging, so figured I needed it.
Pretty fresh in the process, so can't really say it is "working" yet but I am gonna give it my best shot
My wife and I go to couple’s therapy. We weren’t in a terrible situation but just realized we weren’t communicating constructively and had trouble connecting (which may be expected with two young kids). We both recognized things weren’t as good as they could/should be and decided to give it a shot. It’s been an incredibly positive experience.
fourheels
Honored Member
- Messages
- 908
Started about 15 years ago when I was still serving on a church staff as a way to help process/decompress some of the stuff we have to carry. Was also very helpful through an estrangement and eventual reconciliation with my parents as well as to deal with some personal unhealthy coping mechanisms. Still have regular sessions every 2 to 4 weeks
- Messages
- 4,501
For folks worried about affordability, there is the Open Path Collective. A major downside is that it's all online, but you can see a therapist for $30-70 per session.
For more details: Affordable Counseling | Affordable Therapy | Open Path Collective
For more details: Affordable Counseling | Affordable Therapy | Open Path Collective
aGDevil2k
Inconceivable Member
- Messages
- 3,887
Maaaan do kids (even 1 kid) ever put a strain on relationships.
You just want to get alone time and kids do their damnedest to piss you off. And I fall for it every time
Ddseddse
Iconic Member
- Messages
- 1,153
Have you seen The Detour series with Jason Jones and Natalie Zea? I about died laughing at the scene where they were trying to get busy and kids were outside the bedroom door pretending to be chickens and yelling "cocka-block, cocka-block" or some such nonsense.
- Messages
- 1,318
I’m very lucky I suppose to be able to afford it and to live in Chapel Hill where apparently some great therapists exist. My therapist has put a group of guys that are his patients together and we have a group of men that meet twice a month on Saturday morning for about an hour and a half and just share whatever has been fucking with us in our relationships. It’s been a game changer for honest discussion of shit that I think we all deal with but can’t discuss with our golf buddies. Funny thing about it is that now I do share more with my buddies/friends and try to listen to their advice and problems and try to see if they are just asking me to listen or if they want me to give advice or just be a friend and be supportive. I think all of us as men deal with anger/guilt and don’t get many opportunities to talk about it other than sports or politics. Anyway I’m glad that we’re finally as a country talking about mental health and positive solutions. I’ll leave you with two things that my therapist shared with me that really helped!
Great video on how we always try to fix other’s problems(especially the women or significant others in our lives)
This guy is a former CIA guy and it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen on guilt
Great video on how we always try to fix other’s problems(especially the women or significant others in our lives)
This guy is a former CIA guy and it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen on guilt
- Messages
- 4,501
- Messages
- 2,225
I have used that video teaching agents for years. It really isn't always about fixing the problem.
Yup. When I told my group at work that my wife was pregnant with our second my boss’s boss said “oh ho ho, get ready because one plus one is way more than two!” I remember this vividly and also remember internally rolling my eyes. But goddamn if he wasn’t exactly right.
We’ve discussed stopping therapy, as we successfully moved from every other week to just once a month. But at this point we enjoy going, and it’s so nice to have time just focused solely on the relationship, even if only an hour per month.
If anyone in the triad area is in need, I cannot say enough good things about Ryan: Bloom Couples Counseling
- Messages
- 773
Saw someone for several years up until late last year when I felt I needed to find someone new. Wasn’t that things weren’t working, just that things had gone as far as i felt they could and needed something new. My therapist agreed and completely understood. Just haven’t had time to find someone new but really would like to early next year. My insurance covered it so it wasn’t a financial burden. It’s just finding the right person. Deal with anxiety and have gone through a lot that has been overwhelming at times. Think that contributes to the anxiety.
I for one really like therapy. It isn’t about the therapist trying to solve it for me. “This, this and this is why you feel this way”. Nobody fits into a neatly put together psych description. There’s nuance. It helps to go over things and bounce it off of someone who is only vested in seeing you get better or come to terms or whatever it is you’re needing. Yes you get the “over diagnose” or “everyone is crazy” types. Why I want to find another good therapist where I can have a good rapport. You can tell them the craziest shit in the world and it’s all good. It’s just being able to understand yourself. Helps to just talk about things that you go over and over internally with no results.
Thats my two cents and probably not that much so feel free to keep the change
I for one really like therapy. It isn’t about the therapist trying to solve it for me. “This, this and this is why you feel this way”. Nobody fits into a neatly put together psych description. There’s nuance. It helps to go over things and bounce it off of someone who is only vested in seeing you get better or come to terms or whatever it is you’re needing. Yes you get the “over diagnose” or “everyone is crazy” types. Why I want to find another good therapist where I can have a good rapport. You can tell them the craziest shit in the world and it’s all good. It’s just being able to understand yourself. Helps to just talk about things that you go over and over internally with no results.
Thats my two cents and probably not that much so feel free to keep the change
- Messages
- 7,506
I would love to meet a group of men in a similar situation as what I'm navigating. My wife has a support group, a councilor, and a life coach that all specialize in what she is figuring out. I'm supportive of her being happy, even if it means we are no longer intimate, but at this stage I'm honestly a little jealous. I'm terrible at making connections, building friendships, or general conversations with people I don't know well. I have a lot of social anxiety, imposter syndrome, and general lack of confidence.
When I was in the church, I tried everything I could to join groups and make friends, it just never worked. Now I have work friends and online friends (though I don't know any of them in real life) and that's pretty much it. Outside of those I do things with my wife and family. It's hard to find opportunities to build those relationships at this stage in life.
I’ve tried it at various times in the past, it wasn’t for me. I’m not comfortable opening up to strangers so I never had much to say. Plus I tend to live life with a lot of optimism. I’m normally a 7/10 on their 10 point scale.
I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in the hospital in the past 12 months and had some incredible nurses. We had great and helpful talks that felt like what I thought therapy should be. Difference was they opened up and it was an actual 2 way conversation, not me blathering on and on.
I do know therapy works for a lot of people so I encourage folks to try.
For the religious folks, your pastor may also be a good option. I had some good talks with the hospital chaplain. I’m not at all religious, but he was really engaging.
I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in the hospital in the past 12 months and had some incredible nurses. We had great and helpful talks that felt like what I thought therapy should be. Difference was they opened up and it was an actual 2 way conversation, not me blathering on and on.
I do know therapy works for a lot of people so I encourage folks to try.
For the religious folks, your pastor may also be a good option. I had some good talks with the hospital chaplain. I’m not at all religious, but he was really engaging.
- Messages
- 334
Not currently in therapy but have been on and off since my early 30s. I still do medication maintenance appointments every 6 months or so and I take a cocktail of 4 pills that has kept me from having any major lows for 4-5 years. Official diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder in remission and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm fortunate that my life is relatively stress free at this point so I don't have any major triggers for the depression and anxiety. There was a time when the first thing I thought about every day when I woke up was whether I wanted to live another day.
I concur with many of the others re: how hard it is to find a truly good therapist. I have tried 4 or 5 and they have ranged from mediocre to horrible.
I concur with many of the others re: how hard it is to find a truly good therapist. I have tried 4 or 5 and they have ranged from mediocre to horrible.
Last edited:
- Messages
- 7,506
Living with 4 women, I learned long ago to listen and not try to fix things. Which was extremities hard considering my job for over 30 years had been to fix things.
I did a lot of time with a marriage counselor 15 and more years ago, it finally came to light that she thought the counselor was a referee and not a guiding force. We made it 28.5 years and then agreed to let it go, that was 7 years back.
We're still friends . .
We're still friends . .
- Messages
- 7,506
There are many variables in finding the right person. My middle daughter finally had to stop seeing her therapist after 12 years, they agreed it was better, she's still looking for a new person. My youngest has tried at least 6 and not clicked, she's using an online person now and it seems positive, it's part of an overall program for autistic people. My wife's first therapist, when she came out, basically said the path forward was divorce, my wife didn't want that and changed therapist. Her current therapist has introduced us to lavender marriage and ethical non monogamy. Which we are trying to navigate. Though it has some aspects that sound great, I'm struggling taking a step on this journey. Which I'm sure comes back to my self worth.Saw someone for several years up until late last year when I felt I needed to find someone new. Wasn’t that things weren’t working, just that things had gone as far as i felt they could and needed something new. My therapist agreed and completely understood. Just haven’t had time to find someone new but really would like to early next year. My insurance covered it so it wasn’t a financial burden. It’s just finding the right person. Deal with anxiety and have gone through a lot that has been overwhelming at times. Think that contributes to the anxiety.
I for one really like therapy. It isn’t about the therapist trying to solve it for me. “This, this and this is why you feel this way”. Nobody fits into a neatly put together psych description. There’s nuance. It helps to go over things and bounce it off of someone who is only vested in seeing you get better or come to terms or whatever it is you’re needing. Yes you get the “over diagnose” or “everyone is crazy” types. Why I want to find another good therapist where I can have a good rapport. You can tell them the craziest shit in the world and it’s all good. It’s just being able to understand yourself. Helps to just talk about things that you go over and over internally with no results.
Thats my two cents and probably not that much so feel free to keep the change
- Messages
- 7,506
I'm glad you are past this.
I've dealt with that often in life.
Sometimes conversations in my head feel like someone else talking and trying to make me feel bad. A few weeks ago I had that feeling, it was like this other voice saying death would be the easy way out of all of this. I've got to where I'll talk back like I'm talking with someone else. That day I said, fuck that, I've worked to hard to get here, I have to many things I want to do and I have a wonderful family that I could never hurt in that way. Haven't had that thought since that day. It's all true, I do have things I want to do and live for, the struggle is the perfect plan I had worked out included my wife, with her revelation in not sure what is still possible.