Coping with depression...

[WaynetheDrain]

You could well be right but I don't think i can manage the experimentation. When I say disaster, I mean I would have gladly jumped off a building to get away from the feeling before the stuff cleared my system. It was absolutely horrible. I'm not in any hurry to tempt fate like that again.

This happened to me three weekends ago. And I apologize ahead for this story because it's not necessarily attributed to any depression on my part, but then again, maybe it is--the brain is such a mysterious thing.

About a month ago I decided to start doing edibles on the weekend to relax. It had been about 18 years since the last time I smoked weed or did any other type of drugs, and I've always been someone who mentally handled them well with no bad experiences. Weed, mushrooms, and ecstasy on a couple of occasions. Always had a good time, never any issues.

So anyway, now that it's legal here in Arizona and the new company I work for doesn't random test at the corporate level, I figure, why not? It would be a nice way to relax and unwind on weekends. I did a little research, went to a reliable dispensary, and decided gummies were the best way to go to control my dosage and not overdo it.

First weekend: I try a single 10mg gummy on Friday night. Waiting around for a few hours and didn't notice any major effect. On Saturday night, I try it again. Same result: Little to no effect.

Second weekend: I upped the dosage to two gummies on Friday (20mg total). Again, little to no effect. I'm thinking, "WTF, did I buy a pouch of duds?"

Then comes Saturday. At this point, I decide to try three gummies (30mg) at around 5 pm at night. I chew them up, lay down on the couch and watch television, expecting nothing to happen again. About an hour later I'm still watching television when I notice my head feels very, very heavy and I'm starting to get that far-away tunnel vision you get when you are high. At this point, I realize I am very, very high. At first I start to giggle, thinking, "Finally, these things kicked in." But after a few more minutes, I realize how uncomfortable I'm beginning to feel not being 100% in control over myself. My brain starts to work against me, and I start to feel an inexplicable feeling of panic and dread taking over for no apparent reason. Then I decide to stand up and splash some cold water in my face. I stand up and the room starts spinning on me. My equilibrium is shot to hell, and I need to grip the wall just to get to the bathroom.

Now I'm suddenly having a full-on panic attack and am scared as hell. I tried going to sleep, but laying down just made the room spin more, walking was a serious chore and potentially dangerous, and watching television didn't seem to be helping. At various points, I considered calling 911, calling one of my friends, googling "how to handle an overdose of edibles," posting on this board for advice on making it through, etc. I was a mess, and I was somehow convinced I wasn't going to survive the night. My heart was beating far too fast in my chest, and I truly thought I was going to die. I remember specifically thinking about all the famous musical artists who have either died from drug/alcohol overdose or because of addiction: Kirk Cobain, Layne Staley, John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, etc. These guys left us with and incredible, indelible legacy of music and all died from their addiction, and here I am, about to die from a gummy overdose and no lasting legacy to show for it. This was an actual thought I had during the evening.

Anyway, I eventually came to grips with the fact that this feeling would just have to be something I dealt with for the next handful of hours, so I eventually went back to watching television in sheer terror until I finally started to get a little sleepy. Eventually, I was able to make my way to the bedroom and fall asleep. I woke up in the morning with no lasting effects and had a fairly normal Sunday. The first thing I did is went to the kitchen, grabbed the pouch and a half I had left of the gummies, and threw them in the garbage. I scratched that itch, had a horrible time, and decided my days of doing drugs and effectively handling them were far, far behind me.

 

[Delta74]

This happened to me three weekends ago. And I apologize ahead for this story because it's not necessarily attributed to any depression on my part, but then again, maybe it is--the brain is such a mysterious thing.

About a month ago I decided to start doing edibles on the weekend to relax. It had been about 18 years since the last time I smoked weed or did any other type of drugs, and I've always been someone who mentally handled them well with no bad experiences. Weed, mushrooms, and ecstasy on a couple of occasions. Always had a good time, never any issues.

So anyway, now that it's legal here in Arizona and the new company I work for doesn't random test at the corporate level, I figure, why not? It would be a nice way to relax and unwind on weekends. I did a little research, went to a reliable dispensary, and decided gummies were the best way to go to control my dosage and not overdo it.

First weekend: I try a single 10mg gummy on Friday night. Waiting around for a few hours and didn't notice any major effect. On Saturday night, I try it again. Same result: Little to no effect.

Second weekend: I upped the dosage to two gummies on Friday (20mg total). Again, little to no effect. I'm thinking, "WTF, did I buy a pouch of duds?"

Then comes Saturday. At this point, I decide to try three gummies (30mg) at around 5 pm at night. I chew them up, lay down on the couch and watch television, expecting nothing to happen again. About an hour later I'm still watching television when I notice my head feels very, very heavy and I'm starting to get that far-away tunnel vision you get when you are high. At this point, I realize I am very, very high. At first I start to giggle, thinking, "Finally, these things kicked in." But after a few more minutes, I realize how uncomfortable I'm beginning to feel not being 100% in control over myself. My brain starts to work against me, and I start to feel an inexplicable feeling of panic and dread taking over for no apparent reason. Then I decide to stand up and splash some cold water in my face. I stand up and the room starts spinning on me. My equilibrium is shot to hell, and I need to grip the wall just to get to the bathroom.

Now I'm suddenly having a full-on panic attack and am scared as hell. I tried going to sleep, but laying down just made the room spin more, walking was a serious chore and potentially dangerous, and watching television didn't seem to be helping. At various points, I considered calling 911, calling one of my friends, googling "how to handle an overdose of edibles," posting on this board for advice on making it through, etc. I was a mess, and I was somehow convinced I wasn't going to survive the night. My heart was beating far too fast in my chest, and I truly thought I was going to die. I remember specifically thinking about all the famous musical artists who have either died from drug/alcohol overdose or because of addiction: Kirk Cobain, Layne Staley, John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, etc. These guys left us with and incredible, indelible legacy of music and all died from their addiction, and here I am, about to die from a gummy overdose and no lasting legacy to show for it. This was an actual thought I had during the evening.

Anyway, I eventually came to grips with the fact that this feeling would just have to be something I dealt with for the next handful of hours, so I eventually went back to watching television in sheer terror until I finally started to get a little sleepy. Eventually, I was able to make my way to the bedroom and fall asleep. I woke up in the morning with no lasting effects and had a fairly normal Sunday. The first thing I did is went to the kitchen, grabbed the pouch and a half I had left of the gummies, and threw them in the garbage. I scratched that itch, had a horrible time, and decided my days of doing drugs and effectively handling them were far, far behind me.

What kind of gummies were they? Delta 8 or 9 or something else?

 

[heelinhell]

In my 30 year career I provided psychotherapy to hundreds of folks suffering from Dysthymic Disorder, Major Depression, and Bi-polar II.

From the bit of info you have posted, I'm guessing you suffer from Dysthymic Disorder. I'm sorry to hear that psychotherapy and medication has not helped you. As someone mentioned earlier, it is important to find a therapist who is a good fit for you. As far as medication is concerned, again there are some anti-depressants that are better than others depending upon the person.

If you feel comfortable having a conversation via personal messaging, I would be happy to share my thoughts and recommendations about your situation.

ETA : If you live in the Chapel Hill/ Carrboro area, I would be open to consult with you in person.

ETA: I did meet you briefly at one of your baseball tailgates years ago. My name is on the Bosh wall and I was a baseball season tix holder until Covid

 

[Delta74]

So for those who are experienced in such things, how does one cope? I'm super aware of it and I've tried traditional methods like a therapist or antidepressants. I honestly think both of those either make me worse or more annoyed. Talking things out is not my style. I just get annoyed with the questions and even more annoyed with the strategies/etc. No, breathing doesn't change my mood. Focusing on something for 10 minutes isn't going to help. Been there, tried it, got the t-shirt, and it doesn't work. Anti-depressants just make me feel completely void and I'd rather be depressed.

So, is there something I'm missing in this puzzle or is it just a matter of getting over myself and moving on? I can deal with being unhappy personally. I just hate it for those around me. They don't deserve this version.

By the way, I'm posting this here because this is pretty much my only social outlet. I have 10's of thousands of people I can interact with on social media, but that's an audience, not a sounding board. Just growing weary of having to be the entertainer on a daily basis I suppose while I internally feel like anything but one.

Do you spend much time outside? I ask because an often overlooked depression issue is low vitamin D levels. Vitamin D supplementation is very necessary for older adults especially during colder months. And high dosages are needed (around 10,000 iu) a day.

 

[WaynetheDrain]

What kind of gummies were they? Delta 8 or 9 or something else?

Honestly, I don’t know. It was recommended to me at the dispensary, and I asked for something that wasn’t too potent, and wasn’t the sativa version. That’s all I know.

 

[Kraftyheel89]

Check into this, seriously. FDA approved and many doctors have used with great success (70+% major improvement).

• • Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS)
    A non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate nerve cells in the brain. TMS is often used to treat depression that doesn't respond to medication. Patients typically receive 36 treatments over six weeks.

 

[superrific]

Check into this, seriously. FDA approved and many doctors have used with great success (70+% major improvement).

• • Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS)
    A non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate nerve cells in the brain. TMS is often used to treat depression that doesn't respond to medication. Patients typically receive 36 treatments over six weeks.

With all due respect, he should not be getting advice as to specific treatments on a message board. Perhaps TMS would be a good option for him, but that should be a medical determination by an MD, not us.

Plus, he has an offer on this thread for a session with a therapist. Can't get better than that, really.

 

[Kraftyheel89]

True, but he also isn't going to get TMS treatment without visiting a Psychiatric doctor and being evaluated first. Just sharing that there are other options out there that may be recommended and to not lose hope.

I would also agree with what others have said about meds. Everyone reacts differently to each. You can try three that you hate when they make you feel like a numb zombie. But another, or possibly others, may make you feel much better without that same zombie effect.

 

[ChapelHillSooner]

This happened to me three weekends ago. And I apologize ahead for this story because it's not necessarily attributed to any depression on my part, but then again, maybe it is--the brain is such a mysterious thing.

About a month ago I decided to start doing edibles on the weekend to relax. It had been about 18 years since the last time I smoked weed or did any other type of drugs, and I've always been someone who mentally handled them well with no bad experiences. Weed, mushrooms, and ecstasy on a couple of occasions. Always had a good time, never any issues.

So anyway, now that it's legal here in Arizona and the new company I work for doesn't random test at the corporate level, I figure, why not? It would be a nice way to relax and unwind on weekends. I did a little research, went to a reliable dispensary, and decided gummies were the best way to go to control my dosage and not overdo it.

First weekend: I try a single 10mg gummy on Friday night. Waiting around for a few hours and didn't notice any major effect. On Saturday night, I try it again. Same result: Little to no effect.

Second weekend: I upped the dosage to two gummies on Friday (20mg total). Again, little to no effect. I'm thinking, "WTF, did I buy a pouch of duds?"

Then comes Saturday. At this point, I decide to try three gummies (30mg) at around 5 pm at night. I chew them up, lay down on the couch and watch television, expecting nothing to happen again. About an hour later I'm still watching television when I notice my head feels very, very heavy and I'm starting to get that far-away tunnel vision you get when you are high. At this point, I realize I am very, very high. At first I start to giggle, thinking, "Finally, these things kicked in." But after a few more minutes, I realize how uncomfortable I'm beginning to feel not being 100% in control over myself. My brain starts to work against me, and I start to feel an inexplicable feeling of panic and dread taking over for no apparent reason. Then I decide to stand up and splash some cold water in my face. I stand up and the room starts spinning on me. My equilibrium is shot to hell, and I need to grip the wall just to get to the bathroom.

Now I'm suddenly having a full-on panic attack and am scared as hell. I tried going to sleep, but laying down just made the room spin more, walking was a serious chore and potentially dangerous, and watching television didn't seem to be helping. At various points, I considered calling 911, calling one of my friends, googling "how to handle an overdose of edibles," posting on this board for advice on making it through, etc. I was a mess, and I was somehow convinced I wasn't going to survive the night. My heart was beating far too fast in my chest, and I truly thought I was going to die. I remember specifically thinking about all the famous musical artists who have either died from drug/alcohol overdose or because of addiction: Kirk Cobain, Layne Staley, John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, etc. These guys left us with and incredible, indelible legacy of music and all died from their addiction, and here I am, about to die from a gummy overdose and no lasting legacy to show for it. This was an actual thought I had during the evening.

Anyway, I eventually came to grips with the fact that this feeling would just have to be something I dealt with for the next handful of hours, so I eventually went back to watching television in sheer terror until I finally started to get a little sleepy. Eventually, I was able to make my way to the bedroom and fall asleep. I woke up in the morning with no lasting effects and had a fairly normal Sunday. The first thing I did is went to the kitchen, grabbed the pouch and a half I had left of the gummies, and threw them in the garbage. I scratched that itch, had a horrible time, and decided my days of doing drugs and effectively handling them were far, far behind me.

Speaking of the hemp derived gummies like they have on N.C., it is insane and somewhat dangerous how the potency varies. They can vary by a factor of 10 or more.

IMO, that needs to be regulated. My guess is that if they regulate it they’ll just make it illegal. Any other form of regulation would implicitly condone it.

 

[ChapelHillSooner]

Check into this, seriously. FDA approved and many doctors have used with great success (70+% major improvement).

• • Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS)
    A non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate nerve cells in the brain. TMS is often used to treat depression that doesn't respond to medication. Patients typically receive 36 treatments over six weeks.

I have thought about trying this with my son. There was a story on NPR about a man with Autism who had significant results from it. I believe he didn’t like it because it brought too much clarity about his interactions with other kids growing up.

 

[roostra]

Check into this, seriously. FDA approved and many doctors have used with great success (70+% major improvement).

• • Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS)
    A non-invasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate nerve cells in the brain. TMS is often used to treat depression that doesn't respond to medication. Patients typically receive 36 treatments over six weeks.

My mother in law tried this - severe chronic depression. It didn't work, but there were no negative side effects, so no real downside to trying it out (other than cost if not covered by insurance. We had read some good stuff about this - so she very well could have been an outlier.

 

[ChapelHillSooner]

I deleted my previous post because it was too much about me.

The point I was trying to make is that for me sertraline helped. It took months to realize that it was helping but it had a positive impact on me.

The downside is that my emotions are at times too regulated.

Just in case this helps anyone.

 

[hedge]

Psilocybin therapy has some potential but it's novel, not well understood, and has not been approved in the US for good reasons.

Also for bad reasons...

 

[hedge]

The worst thing that can happen is a bad trip.

Sometimes a so-called bad trip is the best thing that ever happened. Taking psychedelics isn't always about achieving a beatific OM state with a "positive therapeutic outcome." Not even usually. Going to hell and coming back alive can provide insights that a "good" trip won't. That's not to say that good trips aren't useful. Having fun is always useful. Especially, I would think, if one is seeking a break from depression. Certainly has worked for me and I wasn't depressed to begin with. Also, psychedelics have been used for thousands of years. They are neither novel nor not well understood. Just b/c modern medical science hasn't dissected it and laid it out in scholarly journals in medical jargon (< speaking of shit that nobody can understand..) doesn't mean that they're not "understood." Good god, understood by whom?? Those who know do not speak; those who speak do not know...

 

[finesse]

Out of curiosity, how do these drugs work for depression? I've got a great deal of experience with them but strictly recreational. When asked, I've always told people NOT to trust anything you discover while under the influence until later after analyzing them with a clearer head and do look at the different ways of approaching ideas and problems. Have I been misleading them? Not that that's an issue any more these days.

 

[LosPollosHermanos]

Sometimes a so-called bad trip is the best thing that ever happened. Taking psychedelics isn't always about achieving a beatific OM state with a "positive therapeutic outcome." Not even usually. Going to hell and coming back alive can provide insights that a "good" trip won't. That's not to say that good trips aren't useful. Having fun is always useful. Especially, I would think, if one is seeking a break from depression. Certainly has worked for me and I wasn't depressed to begin with. Also, psychedelics have been used for thousands of years. They are neither novel nor not well understood. Just b/c modern medical science hasn't dissected it and laid it out in scholarly journals in medical jargon (< speaking of shit that nobody can understand..) doesn't mean that they're not "understood." Good god, understood by whom?? Those who know do not speak; those who speak do not know...

Ageree 100%. Even the people on 60 Minutes who has "bad trips" and were very uncomfortable during the treatment reported long term positive effects.

 

[LosPollosHermanos]

This happened to me three weekends ago. And I apologize ahead for this story because it's not necessarily attributed to any depression on my part, but then again, maybe it is--the brain is such a mysterious thing.

About a month ago I decided to start doing edibles on the weekend to relax. It had been about 18 years since the last time I smoked weed or did any other type of drugs, and I've always been someone who mentally handled them well with no bad experiences. Weed, mushrooms, and ecstasy on a couple of occasions. Always had a good time, never any issues.

So anyway, now that it's legal here in Arizona and the new company I work for doesn't random test at the corporate level, I figure, why not? It would be a nice way to relax and unwind on weekends. I did a little research, went to a reliable dispensary, and decided gummies were the best way to go to control my dosage and not overdo it.

First weekend: I try a single 10mg gummy on Friday night. Waiting around for a few hours and didn't notice any major effect. On Saturday night, I try it again. Same result: Little to no effect.

Second weekend: I upped the dosage to two gummies on Friday (20mg total). Again, little to no effect. I'm thinking, "WTF, did I buy a pouch of duds?"

Then comes Saturday. At this point, I decide to try three gummies (30mg) at around 5 pm at night. I chew them up, lay down on the couch and watch television, expecting nothing to happen again. About an hour later I'm still watching television when I notice my head feels very, very heavy and I'm starting to get that far-away tunnel vision you get when you are high. At this point, I realize I am very, very high. At first I start to giggle, thinking, "Finally, these things kicked in." But after a few more minutes, I realize how uncomfortable I'm beginning to feel not being 100% in control over myself. My brain starts to work against me, and I start to feel an inexplicable feeling of panic and dread taking over for no apparent reason. Then I decide to stand up and splash some cold water in my face. I stand up and the room starts spinning on me. My equilibrium is shot to hell, and I need to grip the wall just to get to the bathroom.

Now I'm suddenly having a full-on panic attack and am scared as hell. I tried going to sleep, but laying down just made the room spin more, walking was a serious chore and potentially dangerous, and watching television didn't seem to be helping. At various points, I considered calling 911, calling one of my friends, googling "how to handle an overdose of edibles," posting on this board for advice on making it through, etc. I was a mess, and I was somehow convinced I wasn't going to survive the night. My heart was beating far too fast in my chest, and I truly thought I was going to die. I remember specifically thinking about all the famous musical artists who have either died from drug/alcohol overdose or because of addiction: Kirk Cobain, Layne Staley, John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, etc. These guys left us with and incredible, indelible legacy of music and all died from their addiction, and here I am, about to die from a gummy overdose and no lasting legacy to show for it. This was an actual thought I had during the evening.

Anyway, I eventually came to grips with the fact that this feeling would just have to be something I dealt with for the next handful of hours, so I eventually went back to watching television in sheer terror until I finally started to get a little sleepy. Eventually, I was able to make my way to the bedroom and fall asleep. I woke up in the morning with no lasting effects and had a fairly normal Sunday. The first thing I did is went to the kitchen, grabbed the pouch and a half I had left of the gummies, and threw them in the garbage. I scratched that itch, had a horrible time, and decided my days of doing drugs and effectively handling them were far, far behind me.

Yeah 30mg of Delta 8, 9 or anything else is a very large dose for someone who hasn't had THC in 18 years. You're basically a total noob at this point. It is very common for people who use THC for the first few times to say "it didn't do anything". I suspect you should have given the lower dose a few more chances.