Hurting people you love

ChapelHillSooner said:
I think she did have intentions to move. She left a lot of stuff in my apartment - nothing real valuable but a signal nevertheless.

But I also think the entire things is stressing her out. I do wonder if she would take something like this as a sign or something.

I do worry that the move won’t happen as some else hinted, not because she doesn’t want it but because it is so hard.

I also worry that if she patches things with her daughter that that will be a reason for her to stay close. And I can’t argue against that. Her having a relationship with her daughter is important. That said l, her daughter is almost 30. By the time I was 30 I had lived 1300 miles from home for 8 years.
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Moving and relationships are two top stressors for most adults. Combining them has to be a lot, especially when moving a considerable distance.
 
ChapelHillSooner said:
My sister drank herself to death. I honestly think she had the right idea.
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Absolutely not. If you want to go out that way, choose something better than alcohol. Have some fun doing it.

But I know you're just talking shit.

You will be OK. You're feeling guilty; you're worried; you're feeling disappointed. The feelings are real but you have to remind yourself: the causes are not necessarily real.
 
superrific said:
Absolutely not. If you want to go out that way, choose something better than alcohol. Have some fun doing it.

But I know you're just talking shit.

You will be OK. You're feeling guilty; you're worried; you're feeling disappointed. The feelings are real but you have to remind yourself: the causes are not necessarily real.
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Thank you, man.

But for tonight and tonight only I am going full Leaving Las Vegas.
 
ChapelHillSooner said:
I don’t think I will ever learn to be ok with being alone. It is certainly a character flaw. It is also because I really don’t have friends. I have coworkers I will have a beer with every few months but not any real support. My best friend is a female and she is awesome but I haven’t see her in five years even though she lives a couple of miles away. (I have spent a lot of time on the phone with her today.)

My social circle has always been my partner’s social circle so when relationships end I end up with nothing. To make it worse I mostly work from home. It is debilitatingly isolating if I am not in a relationship. (And I know that all is a red flag. It is what it is.)

My ex (actually not divorced) expressed interest in reconciling and we have a friendship but she is also still seeing the guy she left me for - though he is in his 60’s and his health isn’t great so supposedly there is no physical relationship anymore.

I am rambling. Wish I could be happy alone.
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I empathize. We have a lot in common. I don't have any real friends outside of work friends and online people. I sort of know why, but don't know how to deal with it.

My social circle always tended to be my wife's social circle or other parents. With grown kids and my wife's situation that has really changed. And like you I end up with almost nothing.

I can imagine how working from home would be. I do one day a week, but could not do it full time. I go into work often just to talk with other people as I get no joy from work any longer.

I've read about groups of older people that get together just for social events, I'm trying to bring myself to joining something like that.
 
I feel like this is a common refrain with men. I talk to lots of different people each day and get their social history as a part of my job, and more often than not the men over 40 tell me they have very few (if any) close friends. It’s sad to me — I think men could really really benefit from male friendships.
 
tallheel95 said:
I feel like this is a common refrain with men. I talk to lots of different people each day and get their social history as a part of my job, and more often than not the men over 40 tell me they have very few (if any) close friends. It’s sad to me — I think men could really really benefit from male friendships.
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How much of this reality that you describe arises from the rampant homophobia (or at least it was rampant) among the 7th and 8th grade boys?
 
Are people really commonly using some sort of phone location services to keep track of others who are not their children? I know that isnt the point of the thread but I find that creepy. I would have zero idea how to know where my partner is based on his phone location.
 
wmheel1287 said:
Are people really commonly using some sort of phone location services to keep track of others who are not their children? I know that isnt the point of the thread but I find that creepy. I would have zero idea how to know where my partner is based on his phone location.
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It's weirdly a "stage" in modern relationships, much like when you put the other person on social media or when you move in together or get a pet together.
 
wmheel1287 said:
Are people really commonly using some sort of phone location services to keep track of others who are not their children? I know that isnt the point of the thread but I find that creepy. I would have zero idea how to know where my partner is based on his phone location.
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I use the “find my” feature on iPhone for my wife and parents, which is useful, but have no desire to have the location of anyone else I know right at hand at all times.

My wife and her friends all have it for like dozens of people lol. I wouldn’t say they use it in a creepy/obsessive way at all, but yeah not really my cup of tea. I like keeping some semblance of privacy.
 
tallheel95 said:
I feel like this is a common refrain with men. I talk to lots of different people each day and get their social history as a part of my job, and more often than not the men over 40 tell me they have very few (if any) close friends. It’s sad to me — I think men could really really benefit from male friendships.
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Where are the opportunities?

Church? No. Bars? No. Club sports? Maybe?

Men i know that have lots of friends, mostly seem to have had them from work, Church, or school.
 
So after having not eaten since Friday night and very little sleep, I got some Xanax. (No judging. The last time I took one was at my mom’s funeral in 2009.)

Throw in some melatonin and I am ready: good night all:
 
wmheel1287 said:
Are people really commonly using some sort of phone location services to keep track of others who are not their children? I know that isnt the point of the thread but I find that creepy. I would have zero idea how to know where my partner is based on his phone location.
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I work in construction and my best friend other than my wife (known him for 30ish years) is also in construction. We work in rural areas and often alone so we share location all the time so if something happens we are easier to find.
 
UNCatTech said:
I empathize. We have a lot in common. I don't have any real friends outside of work friends and online people. I sort of know why, but don't know how to deal with it.

My social circle always tended to be my wife's social circle or other parents. With grown kids and my wife's situation that has really changed. And like you I end up with almost nothing.

I can imagine how working from home would be. I do one day a week, but could not do it full time. I go into work often just to talk with other people as I get no joy from work any longer.

I've read about groups of older people that get together just for social events, I'm trying to bring myself to joining something like that.
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I am the same way with regards to friends and social circles being mostly the same as my wife's. I had friends growing up and in school. But once I started dating and then got out of school I mostly just hung out with my girlfriend at the time, and then later my wife and her social circle. I am more of a home body now, though.
 
wmheel1287 said:
Are people really commonly using some sort of phone location services to keep track of others who are not their children? I know that isnt the point of the thread but I find that creepy. I would have zero idea how to know where my partner is based on his phone location.
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yes. at least half of the people on this planet are almost constantly at risk of some sort of violence. extra safety measures never hurt.

everyone knows the saying. men are afraid that women will laugh at them. women are afraid that men will kill them.
 
wmheel1287 said:
Are people really commonly using some sort of phone location services to keep track of others who are not their children? I know that isnt the point of the thread but I find that creepy. I would have zero idea how to know where my partner is based on his phone location.
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I only have my wife and kids.

I had my mother for awhile, when she lived with us.

It's come in handy a couple times when Simeon ran out of gas or had the car break down.

I use life 360, they have to allow you to see them, you can't be sneaky.
 
ChapelHillSooner said:
So after having not eaten since Friday night and very little sleep, I got some Xanax. (No judging. The last time I took one was at my mom’s funeral in 2009.)

Throw in some melatonin and I am ready: good night all:
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What would we judge about Xanax?

Anyway, would be nice to know that you woke up. I don't think there is anything for us to worry about, but the above post is not reassuring in several ways
 
I woke up. I went to the gym after dropping my son off. (Usually he gets picked up by a van sort of like what insensitive people call the small bus but he threw up so I had to change him and take him.). Pyramid on the squats but hit 325 four times with depth (most I have done) and each other set pushed to max. Lunges as planks too.

Took a sick day today. Slept most. Went back to the gym and did five miles. That was really hard because I think the gas tank is empty. Apparently you can’t go days without eating and do all of that.

Had some rotisserie chicken after morning workout but that isn’t going to give me the energy I needed so I had a couple of oranges and a banana just now.

That is my way to deal with things. Not working well right now.
 
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