Thank you, Sooner, for being strong enough to share this with us all. It must be incredibly difficult, and I have no idea how you do it.
I don't have your situation, but one thing I've learned from this forum is that there are so many of us fighting our own battles.
For my part, I turn 40 next month and have always suffered from depression and severe anxiety. Just started finally seeing a psychiatrist the past few months, and the meds do seem to be working a bit but too early to tell. I live nearly 3000 miles from my parents, who will soon be in the last decade or two of their lives most likely. I am an alcoholic. I have no children and have gone through an amicable divorce and am still luckily good friends with my ex. But I think all the good milestones by which we judge the value of our lives (falling in love, having children, having grandchildren, etc.) are behind me and now all that remains are the bad milestones (parents aging and dying, me getting older and probably early grave, etc.). There seems nothing to which to look forward. And that's a new experience for me. Very hard to accept. Who will take care of my parents, if I check out?
But I get so much courage from reading what the rest of you endure. That I'm not alone, and that many of us are fighting true battles.
Please stay strong. And as many others have said here, if there's any way we can help, please let us know.
You're a good man!