Looks like the time is almost here...

[dukeman92]

That's part of the issue. I'm 300+ miles away.

I moved back home for this very reason. My parents are both on the decline (especially my mom) and I felt like I needed to be close by.

 

[finesse]

Sorry to hear you're going through all this. Wish you and yours the best outcome.

 

[grimes70]

It can be tough. I was fortunate not to have to deal with it. Sibs were all in sync. A friend whose sister - deeply Catholic - had the medical POA for her father and kept him alive and in pain for 3.5 years longer than the doctors and her 3 sibs, and even worse, her mother, the wife, wanted. It was a situation fraught with much anger and futility. Very sad.

Hope things can work out well on your end.

 

[ChapelHillSooner]

Update: So my dad did turn down the operation. I didn't want to start a new thread, so I'm repurposing this one.

But he's really not doing well. I really doubt that he makes it to Thanksgiving.

My wife and daughter left to go to their house this evening. I'm going to wrap some things up at work and probably go up Thursday night, if I don't have to go earlier.

I'm at a weird place right now. My wife and I were talking about it last evening. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't have any answers for what my mother is going to do after he dies. They were never planners, and he was too stubborn to ever listen to advise about retirement or death. I'm worried how my crazy brother, his crazy wife, and their crazy daughter are going to react. Especially since my wife and I have advised my mother to sell the house after he dies. She cannot afford to live in that house. She can't maintain it. But he doesn't understand.

I'm sort of torn. I'm sad that he is close to death, but I also know that it is probably the best thing considering his health, quality of life, and very limited finances. I feel bad for even thinking about it in those terms, but it is reality.

I am so sorry for you and your family. Hugs to you all.

 

[ChapelHillSooner]

I want to add that sometimes things turn out better than you expect. My mom died in her 60's in 2009. My dad had had a period after retirement where he developed a drinking problem. He recovered from that but he was totally emotionally dependent on my mom. I thought for sure he would start drinking and die within a year of my mom's death. He lived 8 more years. Found a group that he went on bus trips with.

They didn't have the financial issues so it is different but I hope your mom finds a way to thrive.

 

[UNCatTech]

Just got off the phone with the my wife. My dad is going to sign a DNR and they are going to discuss hospice care.

I forgot that my dad has a defibrillator in his chest. They are going to deactivate it. The doctor said that as weak as his heart is that it could activate and it would hurt much more than help.

This thread is helpful that I have a place to just say what I'm thinking. But, I'm having to work really hard to focus on my parents and not start venting about my brother. I don't know if it's the drugs or what, but he's really pretty messed up.

 

[BillyL]

Just got off the phone with the my wife. My dad is going to sign a DNR and they are going to discuss hospice care.

I forgot that my dad has a defibrillator in his chest. They are going to deactivate it. The doctor said that as weak as his heart is that it could activate and it would hurt much more than help.

This thread is helpful that I have a place to just say what I'm thinking. But, I'm having to work really hard to focus on my parents and not start venting about my brother. I don't know if it's the drugs or what, but he's really pretty messed up.

It's the drugs UNCatTech . . you may see a roller coaster effect that may last awhile.
Hang in there brother . . !

 

[billybobblockhead]

Just got off the phone with the my wife. My dad is going to sign a DNR and they are going to discuss hospice care.

I forgot that my dad has a defibrillator in his chest. They are going to deactivate it. The doctor said that as weak as his heart is that it could activate and it would hurt much more than help.

This thread is helpful that I have a place to just say what I'm thinking. But, I'm having to work really hard to focus on my parents and not start venting about my brother. I don't know if it's the drugs or what, but he's really pretty messed up.

Positive thoughts to you, Tech. I've been through this with my dad, sister, and earlier this year my mom. As tough as it is, DNR is the right choice, especially at his age and with the health problems that you've outlined. Being a good distance away doesn't help your situation, but hang in there. At this time, you are correct in your thoughts - put your concerns and worries with your parents, as that's where it needs to be!!

 

[UNCatTech]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

 

[lawtig02]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

I’m so sorry. Few things harder than that. You have all our support.

 

[grimes70]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

Can never be truly prepared. Keep good thoughts and memories of him and you'll pull through. Take care.

 

[donbosco]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

Holding all y'all in The Light. It is tough...so very tough. He's in your heart and mind though.

 

[Zoo_View]

Sorry to hear that, Tech.

 

[heelinhell]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

Losing parents is a poignant experience that never completely dissipates over time, but as long as you remember them you will have them.

I lost my dad in 1997 and my mom in 2000. I have conversations with them on walks, in the shower, and during other random moments. I always let them know how much they mean to me today and how grateful I am that they were and still are my parents.

 

[SnoopRob]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

I'm sorry, man. Condolences to you and your family and you'll be in my thoughts.

 

[finesse]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

Sorry to hear this. I wish the best for you and your family.

 

[TarSpiel]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

I'm so sorry to hear that. You and your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

 

[nycfan]

My father died this morning. I'm heading back to NC now.

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

My wife just came home from their house last evening. He was so weak when were there this past weekend.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to cancer in 1997 and it still hurts, but the ache dulls over time.

 

[billybobblockhead]

This is so much harder than I ever imagined, even though we have known it was coming for awhile.

Sorry for you loss, Tech. I responded with a quote from your post because what you said was spot on. With both of my mom and dad we all knew it was coming for months but it was still a big time kick in the head when it happened. Hang in there - positive vibes and prayers your way!

 

[UNCatTech]

My dad told my wife, yesterday before she left, that he was so happy that everyone had been able to come and spend time with him this past week. Thankfully we came up, we were originally planning on this coming weekend. My wife stayed later yesterday to make him dinner before she left. So, I know he was happy on his last day.