OGtruthhurts on tough love & parenting

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CFordUNC said:
With all due respect to both my mom and my late father, my goal is to parent pretty much the exact opposite way as them. I've got a 2 year old son and another one on the way at the end of this month so I think about this stuff often. I got my ass kicked growing up. I got beaten with a belt. I got household objects thrown at me. I got screamed at, yelled at, smacked in the head and face. Got my mouth washed out with literal soap. That cycle ends with me. I don't believe that hitting children, or yelling at them, or ranting and raving at them, or throwing things at them does anything other than yield a higher likelihood of breeding future violent, angry, insecure, hot-tempered, quick-triggered adults.
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I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but what you aspire to in raising your children is pretty much how I was raised. So despite your best efforts, your child could still turn out to be a sad sack like me.
 
05C40 said:
I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but what you aspire to in raising your children is pretty much how I was raised. So despite your best efforts, your child could still turn out to be a sad sack like me.
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You're pretty successful.

While our childhood plays a role, we can still do pretty well. Look at me, I had a pretty screwed up story until around 27, but I've done so much better in the 30 years since.

Though I do still have so many unanswered questions. Most of which I'm trying to accept will never be answered.
 
finesse said:
Never met NOG. Met ManhattanHeel at a party I went to to meet Jumpy, Chris, SHC and a couple of others. Met DC , El P and Heelswinagain several times. Chris has been to my house along with UNCMonkey. Monks and I keep in fairly good touch and generally get together when she comes to this side of the ocean
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A bit late to this thread obviously, but Jumpy and Chris are two of my best friends. Jumpy was at my house with his kids just a couple weeks ago. I hung out with SHC a few times back in the day as well.
 
I know I am so far from perfect.

As a parent i know I've failed in many ways. But I always did my best i always had my children's best guiding every decision I made. I believe I did ok as we have such a good relationship now that they are adults.

I never felt that from my parents. I never felt that I was wanted. They made me feel as if I fucked up their life and having to support me was an insurmountable burden. But as an adult I realized that based on their life, their history, and their parents they had done the best they could.

When my dad died 9 months ago, I tried to talk to my brother, but that didn't work out.

Instead we focused on helping my mom. My whole family gave their time and energy to help. We helped my mother to sell the house. We let her move in with us, no strings attached. We said we would support her in her choices for her future. We'll after 4 months, I've come to the realization that our relationship is beyond repair and that we both need counciling. Just for different reasons. She's just like my brother, so self centered and always the victim.

The good thing is she will be moving back to North Carolina in 3 weeks.

I fully expect this is the last time I will ever see her and it doesn't bother me. I'm so very happy that I never moved home after college and that I've been fortunate enough to live the life I have. And that I was open and accepting enough to grow and become the person I am.

A flawed as I am, I'm a better person than I was when I moved out and a better person than I would have been had I moved home after college.

I thank you all for always being supportive and listening. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends.
 
I'm coming to this thread very late, but I've been reading a book of leftist parenting essays of late. one of the authors quotes this conversation between their child and a friend, and I thought it was really illuminating as to what moving away from old-school, tough-love parenting might look like.

"A's friend: 'My parents always say that. 'Life isn't fair.''
A: My parents say making things fair is the point of living."
 
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