A Disturbing Email

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ZenMode said:
I don't disagree that politics is one of the ways that reflects how you view the world, but that doesn't mean that a person is inherently bad because they have a view that contradicts with yours. The issue that is dividing America IS that perception.
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it depends on the view.

fiscal policy disagreements, no. oppressing minorities and non-christians and the lgbtq community? yes. inherently bad.
 
superrific said:
It is dividing America in exactly the same manner slavery divided America. Imagine how peaceful life would have been if northerners simply realized that plantation owners merely had a political view that contradicted their own. There was no need to be divisive. Live and let live. You know, they aren't inherently bad just because they have different views as to whether members of the species homo sapiens were actually humans if they had dark skin.

It is dividing America in exactly the same manner the civil rights movement divided America. You're not alone in your diagnosis of the issue dividing America. The Letter From A Birmingham Jail was addressed to people exactly like you.

It is dividing American in exactly the same manner the prohibition on homosexuality in the military (the official prohibition at least) divided America. And whether we should have a constitutional amendment guaranteeing equal rights for women. And whether it's OK to have a black president.
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There are a wide range of topics for disagreement. Clear infringement on basically every human right, slavery, is one end of that range. I've never heard any MAGA people supporting slavery.

Many of the primary areas of political disagreement are much more nuanced and both sides (yep, I said it) have valid concerns IF people take the time to try to listen to what is being said. Their concerns are sometimes based in lies that they've been convinced are true but, in their mind, they often believe they are doing what's right for the country.
 
ZenMode said:
There are a wide range of topics for disagreement. Clear infringement on basically every human right, slavery, is one end of that range. I've never heard any MAGA people supporting slavery.

Many of the primary areas of political disagreement are much more nuanced and both sides (yep, I said it) have valid concerns IF people take the time to try to listen to what is being said. Their concerns are sometimes based in lies that they've been convinced are true but, in their mind, they often believe they are doing what's right for the country.
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Willful ignorance is no excuse. I check the so called facts that the reactionaries ( not right to call them conservatives) on the right present.
 
ZenMode said:
So, he's stating what happened, followed by his opinion of the situation ("sucked in by the political correctness") and then says he's doing his best to maintain the peace which, to me, sounds like he's keeping his opinions to himself.
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It may not be a terrible situation, but the context (ie all the bullshit the guy believes) certainly points to the father being an aggrieved culture warrior. I’ve come to trust not one single conservative culture warrior, because they prefer to make shit up out of whole cloth before admitting fault. I mean, the email trots out tropey trans punching down, while concurrently addressing Claire’s atypical identification. I’m not making an illogical, nor even a broad, leap. Additionally, in my experience the quiet conservative culture warrior eventually takes that simmering bile out on someone, and, this guy clearly has no gauge for shameless propaganda so the likelihood he falls deeper into aggrievement and anger is high.

ETA: Also, OP described the email as “disturbing”, so I’m integrating that onto my working assumptions. If the person who knows Friend best describes the situation as “disturbing” I’m going to trust that gut instinct, even if Friend’s language doesn’t explicitly say “guess it’s time to send Claire to a conversion camp” or “I don’t think I’ll be seeing much of Claire, in the coming years.”
 
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ZenMode said:
There are a wide range of topics for disagreement. Clear infringement on basically every human right, slavery, is one end of that range. I've never heard any MAGA people supporting slavery.

Many of the primary areas of political disagreement are much more nuanced and both sides (yep, I said it) have valid concerns IF people take the time to try to listen to what is being said. Their concerns are sometimes based in lies that they've been convinced are true but, in their mind, they often believe they are doing what's right for the country.
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Perhaps you've figured out my general intellectual approach to these types of issues, but I will spell it out in more detail.

1. First, establish some basic principles on which we can agree. When I am speaking to someone who is making a categorical denial -- or who is at least using that language -- often the first step is to establish that the categorial denial is wrong, and that there are clearly some situations that fall outside the principle.

Thus we have now agreed that your initial statement about people losing friendships over politics was incomplete. That's fine. We can't always be complete about everything in advance, and sometimes the instinct to be complete creates long posts and people don't like that. So I'm not slamming on you. We're just in agreement now that there exist at least some political issues over which termination of friendship is valid and indeed morally required to avoid complicity.

2. Slavery is a clear example of that, which is why I bring it up. Using non-controversial examples is a good way of talking about the underlying theory and basic contours of discussion. Obviously slavery is orders of magnitude more oppressive, violent and evil than anything we are seeing today. That's good! Likewise, I don't detect much enthusiasm for opening death camps like in Nazi Germany. That's good! I would argue that being friends with anyone holding either of those noxious positions is itself evil.

3. So now our task becomes a bit simpler. We can ask, is what we are seeing now essentially like slavery, or so categorically different that it's more or less irrelevant. And again, there are obvious, non-controversial examples on the other side. Some people like to use "economic development" zones in efforts to stimulate struggling economies. Others note that those programs generally don't work, in part because they are designed more as vehicles for graft and/or tax handouts to rich people for doing what they were going to do already. I don't think anyone thinks of this disagreement as akin to slavery. So good!

4. And thus we have to ask whether MAGA behavior, and the things that MAGA supports, are more like economic development zones or more like slavery or fascism. I would say it's more like the latter. The economic development zones type of policy never appealed to MAGA, not really. That's why MAGA emerged. Nobody wanted what Mitt Romney was selling. What really gets MAGA going are the culture war issues, and those invariably involve some form of government oppression. Again, not nearly as bad as slavery! But still bad.

5. So my tentative -- very tentative -- conclusion is that it is perfectly valid to weaken or eliminate friendships based on some form of political disagreement. For slavery, you cannot be friends with a slaveholder without being complicit, and shunning/exiling/cancelling the slaveowner is a moral imperative. For MAGA, I would not say that it is a moral imperative to oppose it, except in the more extreme manifestations. But it is certainly valid, acceptable and unsurprising that one would might do so -- if for no other reason than MAGA rants are extremely unpleasant and frustrating.

Where, if anywhere in this list of points, do you disagree?
 
Thanks to all for your feedback as well as your thoughtful and insightful posts. I have read and pondered each one. I am still considering my path forward. How does this happen to a person who was Summa Cum Laude and a law school graduate? Did I unintentionally contribute to this madness?

So much to think about ....
 
UNCMSinLS said:
Thanks to all for your feedback as well as your thoughtful and insightful posts. I have read and pondered each one. I am still considering my path forward. How does this happen to a person who was Summa Cum Laude and a law school graduate? Did I unintentionally contribute to this madness?

So much to think about ....
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Sort of amazing with someone of his background but sounds like he's bought into the literal truth of the Bible. That's not something you did and he's about the only one who can change that. As best as I can tell, it's easier to grow out of when you're younger (about 13 for me) and hard when you move toward 40+.
 
superrific said:
Would be an odd stance for a Catholic.
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Maybe not as odd as you're thinking.

catholicoutlook.org

Catholic Fundamentalism

Fundamentalism is not confined to Islamic religions. In fact, fundamentalist movements are to be found in all societies and religions, including Catholic Christianity. Fundamentalism is a...
catholicoutlook.org catholicoutlook.org

Fundamentalists have become especially powerful and vociferous within the Catholic communities in recent decades. Their fundamentalist reactions are the result of the impact of two massive cultural upheavals colliding. First, there is the cultural revolution of the 1960s. The credibility of every value and institution, including the churches, were questioned. This had profound social, economic and political consequences that continue to this day. Second, there is impact from the immense cultural changes generated by the much-needed reforms of Vatican II.

Catholic fundamentalism is an often aggressive reaction to the anxiety-creating turmoil of these two cultural and religious upheavals. It is an ill-defined but powerful movement in the Church to restore uncritically pre-Vatican II structures and attitudes.
 
superrific said:
Perhaps you've figured out my general intellectual approach to these types of issues, but I will spell it out in more detail.

1. First, establish some basic principles on which we can agree. When I am speaking to someone who is making a categorical denial -- or who is at least using that language -- often the first step is to establish that the categorial denial is wrong, and that there are clearly some situations that fall outside the principle.

Thus we have now agreed that your initial statement about people losing friendships over politics was incomplete. That's fine. We can't always be complete about everything in advance, and sometimes the instinct to be complete creates long posts and people don't like that. So I'm not slamming on you. We're just in agreement now that there exist at least some political issues over which termination of friendship is valid and indeed morally required to avoid complicity.

2. Slavery is a clear example of that, which is why I bring it up. Using non-controversial examples is a good way of talking about the underlying theory and basic contours of discussion. Obviously slavery is orders of magnitude more oppressive, violent and evil than anything we are seeing today. That's good! Likewise, I don't detect much enthusiasm for opening death camps like in Nazi Germany. That's good! I would argue that being friends with anyone holding either of those noxious positions is itself evil.

3. So now our task becomes a bit simpler. We can ask, is what we are seeing now essentially like slavery, or so categorically different that it's more or less irrelevant. And again, there are obvious, non-controversial examples on the other side. Some people like to use "economic development" zones in efforts to stimulate struggling economies. Others note that those programs generally don't work, in part because they are designed more as vehicles for graft and/or tax handouts to rich people for doing what they were going to do already. I don't think anyone thinks of this disagreement as akin to slavery. So good!

4. And thus we have to ask whether MAGA behavior, and the things that MAGA supports, are more like economic development zones or more like slavery or fascism. I would say it's more like the latter. The economic development zones type of policy never appealed to MAGA, not really. That's why MAGA emerged. Nobody wanted what Mitt Romney was selling. What really gets MAGA going are the culture war issues, and those invariably involve some form of government oppression. Again, not nearly as bad as slavery! But still bad.

5. So my tentative -- very tentative -- conclusion is that it is perfectly valid to weaken or eliminate friendships based on some form of political disagreement. For slavery, you cannot be friends with a slaveholder without being complicit, and shunning/exiling/cancelling the slaveowner is a moral imperative. For MAGA, I would not say that it is a moral imperative to oppose it, except in the more extreme manifestations. But it is certainly valid, acceptable and unsurprising that one would might do so -- if for no other reason than MAGA rants are extremely unpleasant and frustrating.

Where, if anywhere in this list of points, do you disagree?
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It's difficult to discuss what political positions are friendship-ending without being specific. So, there are two ways to approach this: 1) go through topics one-by-one, which I fear would result in 30 pages of back and forth or 2) discuss those which you personally think of as being slavery-adjacent. Not saying they are as horrific as slavery, but in the same general category.

Edit: To clarify, I'm assuming that both sides are being civil while discussing political views. In other words, the friendship is ending solely due to political views, not threats, disrespect, etc.
 
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ZenMode said:
It's difficult to discuss what political positions are friendship-ending without being specific. So, there are two ways to approach this: 1) go through topics one-by-one, which I fear would result in 30 pages of back and forth or 2) discuss those which you personally think of as being slavery-adjacent. Not saying they are as horrific as slavery, but in the same general category.

Edit: To clarify, I'm assuming that both sides are being civil while discussing political views. In other words, the friendship is ending solely due to political views, not threats, disrespect, etc.
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Well, now we agree that neither one of us really knows what is going on there. So, maybe the best thing to do is not to judge people without knowing the situation. Maybe instead of saying that people shouldn't let politics come between their friendships, you could say that it is sad that it happens this way. Or wish people the best as they try to navigate their circumstances. Or maybe say nothing at all.

I'm not going to discuss this any further, especially not on this thread. My point has been made. It is in fact acceptable and even required in some cases to end friendships over things you characterize as politics. We don't have to try to be the arbiters of what is and isn't acceptable.

The OP asked for some thoughts and perhaps advice. He didn't ask for a freewheeling condemnation of people trying to navigate our political hell the best they can. He didn't ask for the thread to be derailed into silly musings. I think we've done enough already.
 
Don't know that politics enters into this statement:

All this being said, there has been so much damage done that I agree with you - I am apprehensive as well. While I believe that the mainstream media has built a caricature image of Donald Trump, he is not a savior. The Deep State is extremely entrenched in this country, and one man cannot root it out. This country is now far from God and Jesus Christ, who is our real Savior. I think Satan's influence is unprecedented--and that we are in a worse situation than before the Flood. The massive debt that this country has run up (and built in both Democratic and Republican administrations - and Trump does not seem to be too bothered by it) I think will have disastrous consequences. (Just think of all the hashing and rehashing topics I have just raised.)

If your world view has that the current state of the earth has more Satanic influence in it than before the Flood, and you are actively dismissing centuries of slavery or the extermination of the Jews, or the Chinese cultural revolution, or World Wars as having less satanic influence (given that you believe Satan is actively working in the world) then you and I, friends or not, are living foundationally different realities. I would be unclear on what shared experience or morals or beliefs our friendship resides.
 
lawtig02 said:
Maybe not as odd as you're thinking.

catholicoutlook.org

Catholic Fundamentalism

Fundamentalism is not confined to Islamic religions. In fact, fundamentalist movements are to be found in all societies and religions, including Catholic Christianity. Fundamentalism is a...
catholicoutlook.org catholicoutlook.org

Fundamentalists have become especially powerful and vociferous within the Catholic communities in recent decades. Their fundamentalist reactions are the result of the impact of two massive cultural upheavals colliding. First, there is the cultural revolution of the 1960s. The credibility of every value and institution, including the churches, were questioned. This had profound social, economic and political consequences that continue to this day. Second, there is impact from the immense cultural changes generated by the much-needed reforms of Vatican II.

Catholic fundamentalism is an often aggressive reaction to the anxiety-creating turmoil of these two cultural and religious upheavals. It is an ill-defined but powerful movement in the Church to restore uncritically pre-Vatican II structures and attitudes.
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OK, but it is it literalism? I mean, it's really, really hard to treat the Bible as literally a divine revelation of truth that means exactly what it says, while also maintaining that the Pope has the authority to conclusively determine the meaning of the Bible and the lessons it teaches us.

Are there any creationist Catholics, for instance? Many popes, I think, have said that creationism is not a required belief for Catholics. I think the official position is that people can decide for themselves, but it's anti-biblical to look to the Pope to make that determination. So Catholic literalism just seems completely bonkers and obviously self-contradictory. Which I guess doesn't stop people in other contexts.

I don't know. The whole idea seems like lunacy. I mean, I loathe literalism, but at least Calvinists have a consistent theology.
 
BoonetheAiredale said:
Don't know that politics enters into this statement:

All this being said, there has been so much damage done that I agree with you - I am apprehensive as well. While I believe that the mainstream media has built a caricature image of Donald Trump, he is not a savior. The Deep State is extremely entrenched in this country, and one man cannot root it out. This country is now far from God and Jesus Christ, who is our real Savior. I think Satan's influence is unprecedented--and that we are in a worse situation than before the Flood. The massive debt that this country has run up (and built in both Democratic and Republican administrations - and Trump does not seem to be too bothered by it) I think will have disastrous consequences. (Just think of all the hashing and rehashing topics I have just raised.)

If your world view has that the current state of the earth has more Satanic influence in it than before the Flood, and you are actively dismissing centuries of slavery or the extermination of the Jews, or the Chinese cultural revolution, or World Wars as having less satanic influence (given that you believe Satan is actively working in the world) then you and I, friends or not, are living foundationally different realities. I would be unclear on what shared experience or morals or beliefs our friendship resides.
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You're not wrong, although it's also possible that the claim in red was meant as hyperbole. Remember MAGAs love to talk in absolutes. Trump is the best president ever, or at least since Lincoln. Tariffs are magic and will solve all of our problems. There is more evil in the world than every before.

If it were me, my first response would have been to highlight that sentence and just simply ask, "really? More than in the days of slavery? More than WWII and the Holocaust?" And is fiscal irresponsibility, assuming for the moment that it is, really a matter of Satanic influence? I don't think Satan is an accountant."
 
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