Bigs23
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A Disturbing Email
- Thread starter UNCMSinLS
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Why even write back? To get the last word in? He'll probably respond again....just let it go at this point and avoid/ignore politics with them going forward as you suggest.
Centerpiece
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Well, I see see HeelingAg down voted my advice… so perhaps I should qualify my earlier response by asking: how close is the friend to you and your family now? I mean “best friend from college”, and attendants at each others wedding sounds like you guys interact daily and see each other every weekend. But in reality you don’t interact that often at all other than a greeting card or two… and you haven’t actually seen him or his family in several years, I take it? Including daughter Claire? (If you haven’t seen him in decades, I doubt you even know Claire. Correct?)
if you’re just now learning about his true feelings and beliefs about all that crap - after these 8 years of trump - I’m thinking you haven’t really engaged with him that much during that time frame. Surely to God he’s expressed similar feelings and thoughts to you since 2015/2016.
But face it, you sort of started it with your email to him. He simply told you where he stands. Believe him at his word. He admitted that you won’t see eye to eye, and he did give warning: “rant coming”.
Let him have his rant. You can choose to rant back or follow my advice above. HeelingAg has offered alternative advice
if you’re just now learning about his true feelings and beliefs about all that crap - after these 8 years of trump - I’m thinking you haven’t really engaged with him that much during that time frame. Surely to God he’s expressed similar feelings and thoughts to you since 2015/2016.
But face it, you sort of started it with your email to him. He simply told you where he stands. Believe him at his word. He admitted that you won’t see eye to eye, and he did give warning: “rant coming”.
Let him have his rant. You can choose to rant back or follow my advice above. HeelingAg has offered alternative advice
Perhaps so...
an0maly
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I regret opening and reading this. Your friend is gone, in a certain and horrific sense.
You see above the leader of a cult that I think is amazingly like Trump in leading his cult, and somewhat analogous to what he will do to his cult. Among the people who followed Jim Jones, to the point of leaving all rationality, leaving the real world, killing their children and killing themselves, were educated people, as your friend likely is. The followers of both cults readily accepted a large set of lies, due to emotional commitment that shuts down the neocortex in the brain--and in that all objective and analytical thinking. I counted about 8 lies or gross distortions of basic reality in what he wrote, likely from social media and Fox "News" type sources, and your attempts to re-orient him to reality are very likely to fail. There is a poster right in this thread for whom such attempts would be a failure.
As to your asking for advice, I wish something else was true and that there was something else, more hopeful, I could offer. Many tens of millions of Americans have a mindset like this friend--at root a cult mindset--and that why there are untold bad things ahead of all of us.
You see above the leader of a cult that I think is amazingly like Trump in leading his cult, and somewhat analogous to what he will do to his cult. Among the people who followed Jim Jones, to the point of leaving all rationality, leaving the real world, killing their children and killing themselves, were educated people, as your friend likely is. The followers of both cults readily accepted a large set of lies, due to emotional commitment that shuts down the neocortex in the brain--and in that all objective and analytical thinking. I counted about 8 lies or gross distortions of basic reality in what he wrote, likely from social media and Fox "News" type sources, and your attempts to re-orient him to reality are very likely to fail. There is a poster right in this thread for whom such attempts would be a failure.
As to your asking for advice, I wish something else was true and that there was something else, more hopeful, I could offer. Many tens of millions of Americans have a mindset like this friend--at root a cult mindset--and that why there are untold bad things ahead of all of us.
4thgenheel
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tough situation. you likely aren't going to be able to change his mind about anything.
i feel very bad for claire. she needs support.
i feel very bad for claire. she needs support.
Yeah, If they are so fixated on their indoctrination that they believe in antediluvian times and such, neither science, logic or anything else is going to sway them.
I'd make a clean break, if it were me, other than trying to get a message to Claire that there was always a place to go for safety and support. I'd be afraid more might be a triggering event. I don't know how close or important they are to you so I can't decide for you. Their world view is too complicated for me. Not only is special circumstance accepted, it's expected. Sorry, I've seen what's supposed to be the rule book but I'll be damned if I know where to get the magic decoder rings most of these people seem to have. It must let them see things in a much different light.
ChapelHillSooner
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He watches too much Fox News. Doubt you would be able to deprogram him so just move on.
When Trump destroys our country as I believe he will, your friend will just create a narrative that it is God’s punishment for the liberal excesses.
I had a text exchange with a 35+ year friend who has become a massive Trumper earlier this week that essentially marked the end of our relationship. I've managed to maintain the relationship for quite some time despite his spiraling conspiratorial leanings. On the 6th I texted him, complimenting the Dems on their peaceful transition of power (I was def. poking the bees nest) and it led to claims of voter fraud in elections, election denial, references to the deep state, etc etc.
At some point in time you just have to come to the realization that these people are clinically insane and simply aren't worth having in your life any longer. It's a shame.... but living in reality should be a minimum requirement for a meaningful friendship right?
At some point in time you just have to come to the realization that these people are clinically insane and simply aren't worth having in your life any longer. It's a shame.... but living in reality should be a minimum requirement for a meaningful friendship right?
4thgenheel
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you've said this before and clearly, many/most of us around here disagree with you. it isn't shocking at all.
these people's "political views" are often hateful and rooted in bigotry and the oppression of minorities, the lgbtq community, etc.
and sometimes just outright insane and detached from reality.
why would anyone want to be friends with people who are so actively harmful both in the micro sense (your relationship with them) and the macro sense (the damage they're doing to our country and society)?
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You obviously disagree with a lot of what he said (as do I) but I don't see anything in there that is a reason to cut him off. It's not, like, Q-Anon, more like fairly mainstream Fox News BS. I'd probably be inclined to ignore the part about his child, say that you disagree about a lot of political things but agree that we all need to work together towards a better future, and say that you hope to see him in person sometime soon so you two can debate the best path forward.
In general I think it is much easier/more productive to talk to people about politics in person than trying to debate it in an email or text exchange,
ETA: and then you can decide later whether you really need to invest any further emotional energy into the friendship. I didn't want you to read my post to suggest that you had to.
In general I think it is much easier/more productive to talk to people about politics in person than trying to debate it in an email or text exchange,
ETA: and then you can decide later whether you really need to invest any further emotional energy into the friendship. I didn't want you to read my post to suggest that you had to.
ZenMode
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Your response to me, while giving a thumbs up to rodoheel's post, is quite the dichotomy.
4thgenheel
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i can respect both approaches. there is no one-size-fits-all.
grown adults are welcome to handle their interpersonal relationships as they see fit.
ZenMode
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Of course. I said nothing to the contrary. I just said I was shocked at how many people are willing to end friendships over politics.
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Remind him of Christ’s love, compassion and mercy.
4thgenheel
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imagine that you are a member of the lgbtq community or an immigrant with brown skin.
maga says that you are "filth" or a groomer or a pedo. or a rapist or a murderer or a terrorist.
this has real, serious negative impacts on your life.
why would you be friends with people who support the political movement that vilifies and dehumanizes you?
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I know this comes from a well-meaning place but this would be an absolutely insane response under the circumstances, in my opinion.
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I've got a couple of old friends (including randman) who are batshit crazy Maga and antivax, etc., I still text with them occasionally and see them even less frequently, we now interact mostly as if we were on a message board, i.e., call each other batshit crazy (or worse) and criticize the hell out of Trump/Biden/whoever. Nobody is changing anybody's mind about anything...